


Scarlet Roses and Purple Lips

by CanteculLuiA



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Politics, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arranged Marriage, Awkward Crush, Banter, Beauty and the Beast Elements, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Class Differences, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Homelessness, Idiots in Love, Injury Recovery, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, Love/Hate, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Politics, Poverty, Pride and Prejudice References, Revolution, Rey Needs A Hug, Secret Crush, Unrequited Crush, Woman on Top, by the end of september there should be an update, i have some finished chapters and outlines, i totally forgot about this story, please give me some weeks to get my life back together, will become explicit later it's reylo after all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:47:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22775875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanteculLuiA/pseuds/CanteculLuiA
Summary: “I can’t have such a thing because I’m your prisoner. You claim to believe me that I have nothing to do with any of your enemies and you are also thankful that I indirectly saved your life. However, Supreme Leader Ben Solo, you don’t seem to have any plan regarding my life. I am thankful for your care regarding my education, but you became nicer only after we kissed. Now, after what we did last night, you’re suddenly caring towards me and my feelings. So be honest. Was I to sleep with you, would you let me go?”---It took Rey one moment of recklessness to end up in prison, accused of the death of various politicians, including the Supreme Leader of the country and the Union. However, one important member of the First Order survived and even though Kylo Ren was severely wounded, he was willing to keep her alive and out of prison with the promise that she would spill all the secrets of the Resistance and overthrow the usurpers, helping him claim back his rightful title as the new Supreme Leader. But the path to recovery was long and asking a poor yet very pretty scavenger to take care of him and call him by his birth name was sure not going to make things any easier.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 67
Kudos: 99





	1. Gnossienne I

“Is this necessary?”

Rey lifted her cuffed hands and looked at her bruised wrists. The man taking her to the eerie wooden cabin turned to look at them as well, then rolled his eyes lacking any ounce of empathy or mercy. He turned his back on her again and unlocked the door with a code only known by him, then opened it, waiting for her to follow him inside. With careful steps and barely keeping her panic from building inside her up to the point of forcing her to have a meltdown or at least to throw up, Rey entered as well. The place was rather impressive for a cabin. Of course, it was already very modern on the outside anyway, and more of a minimalist palace in the middle of the woods rather than a mere cabin.

_ No furniture? _ she observed.

“Please take off your filthy shoes and put on those slippers.”

She furrowed and looked at her trainers. They were  _ very _ filthy and her toes were almost on the outside, but he didn’t have to point out that she was not wearing shiny Italian leather shoes like he did. She was lucky to even have that miserable pair of trainers. There were years when she was going around the town mostly barefoot until she found something thrown in the trash bin. Sometimes the shoes were bigger, sometimes smaller, but at least she had something to keep her feet protected from burns, blisters, cuts and the cold winters.

Sighing, she took off her shoes and put on the fluffy slippers. Oh, they were comfortable and so clean that it made her feel bad for ruining them with her sweaty feet.

“You are going to stay here for as long as it is required. You’ve been assigned a bedroom upstairs, next to the master bedroom as he’ll most likely need you constantly. He hasn’t recovered yet.”

The man kept roaming around the open space, waving at the empty living room. He then went behind the counter separating the living room from the small kitchen to open the fridge. She had never seen so much food before… or maybe she had but never had access to it or anything else that weren’t scraps she had to fight over or steal. The society really hated poor people. 

“Excuse me,” she uttered feeling her stomach rumble. “I don’t get it. What do you want from me? Wasn’t I supposed to be in jail?”

“My boss is a very…” he chuckled for a moment, before clearing his throat. “Ok. I won’t call him nice, but rather peculiar when it comes to making decisions. I suppose for someone like you, going to jail would be rather a blessing. Free food and free housing.”

Utterly insulted by his words and arrogant grin, she furrowed again with her cheeks burning like the fire behind the dumpsters where she spent a good portion of her life. Just because life had been unfair to her and she made some poor decisions, it didn’t mean that she even wanted to go to prison. After all, it had been only an accident. Life on the streets never turned easier regardless of the years spent learning all of its secret survival methods and, as she grew older, she only became more aware of the dangers and of how useless her existence was. She saw paramedics running to save lives. She saw teachers welcoming children in the morning and doing adorable activities with them. In fact, the little she knew came mostly from spying on them teaching their pupils in the schoolyard, on the grass. All those children kept running around holding drawings of their dream jobs. Firefighters, doctors, ballerinas, policemen, singers, astronauts… they all had hope and dreams and plans. All she had was the will to survive and not be another corpse picked up by the authorities. The other people on the streets had told her about this - they all would end up in a freezer, waiting for future doctors to chop up their bodies and analyse their remains. They had no one to mourn them or remember them once dead, as they had no one to love them or care for them while alive. That was why when she saw those people breaking in that huge mansion, she followed them. At first, it was all about curiosity, but then she saw the shiny chandeliers, the golden accents, the red velvet, the paintings… she knew only a couple of fairy tales, but maybe that was how it was like to live in a castle. And whoever owned that castle, wouldn’t have noticed a missing candlestick holder or two. However, the irony made it so that she hadn’t even had the opportunity to touch one thing in that house. The lights turned from dim to bright, blinding her, and a man wearing a black robe and pyjamas appeared at the top of the staircase. Was he a prince or an ogre? He was imposing even in his nightclothes, but his voice was so deep that he actually startled her. Once he ran to her, she grabbed the candlestick holder and held it like her old staff. Without even paying any attention to his words and the panic in his voice, she lifted the heavy object and, as he tried to grab her by the arm, she hit him, bashing his skull in. Her eyes grew wider as she finally heard the cracking bones and saw the blood drops like rose petals flying in the wind. He fell on the ground and, despite her humane urge of checking if he was still alive, she left. She ran away, dropping the candlestick holder on her way out. Not only did she not even manage to steal something to make her life a bit less miserable for a while, but she ended up murdering someone and all for nothing. 

She stayed hidden for weeks maybe months, barely sleeping and running away each time she heard a police car approaching. For a while, she started believing that it was all going to be fine. She was a nobody after all and that was the sole advantage. However, once the police started interrogating other strays, showing them photos of her taken from the security footage, she knew that it was only a matter of time until they would get their hands on her. But she had never expected them to accuse her of something much worse. She was indeed guilty of almost killing that man, but she never planted those bombs. She had hit him solely out of fear. She’d never intended to kill him… or everyone else in the house. And how and why would she plant bombs? She barely had water to drink and didn’t even know them.

“Anyway,” she heard the man again. “Wasting funds on prisoners like you is pointless, especially given the current political climate.”

Rey decided to stop feeling insulted by his venom, so she just raised an eyebrow. What political climate?

“Therefore, you are going to pay for your crimes by taking care of my boss.”

Take care of someone? But she knew nothing. She had certain skills as the people on the streets were still gifted somehow, but she barely knew how to read. What mad man would have appointed her someone’s caregiver?

“Of course, your incompetence is obvious, so I kindly advise you to take this opportunity as your chance at becoming an actual person. Now follow me.”

With her fists clenched, Rey followed him upstairs. She looked at the large door leading to the master bedroom, wondering if he was already there. She could have sworn that she heard some beautiful piano music. But as she entered her own bedroom, she forgot about the music and her jaw dropped. It was not as imposing as the mansion, but it was still amazing.

A bed! She had a bed!

“You have clothes in the wardrobe there and a few pairs of shoes. In the bathroom, you’ll find hygiene products as well.”

Rey stopped herself from looking around and turned to face the man.

“Thank you,” she smiled overwhelmed. 

“No need to thank  _ me _ ,” he snarled. “Had I been him, I would have sent you to a labour camp or even better, had you beheaded.”

The young woman took a step backwards. Whom exactly had she hit? Whose was that mansion? Even the mere fact that those two men had planted bombs in such a beautiful place was rather out of ordinary. Normal people didn’t kill other normal people. 

“The cuffs?” she uttered feeling her eyes burn and sting from the tears trying to escape them. The man rolled his eyes and kneeled in front of her. He checked her ankle monitor, then got back up and uncuffed her with code. She massaged her wrists with a pained grimace and nodded a thank you. As expected, the man was not impressed.

“I am going to leave you for now. Take your time to… bathe and change your clothes. You can spend your time getting to know the house, but I sincerely advise you not to even try to escape. It’s pointless as we have guards and the monitor would announce the police immediately. Also, don’t try to do anything to harm the boss again. You took him by surprise once, but the second time… I guess you still want to live.”

“Am I not going to meet him yet?” she waggled on her way to the wardrobe.

“The boss might call you in case he needs you, but otherwise don’t bother him. The head wound and the burns require him to stay in bed and rest.”

Rey pursed her lips. She had once stolen a piece of bread from a drunkard and he caught her, punishing her by burning a small portion of her arm with a lighter. If that hurt like hell, she couldn’t imagine what it was like to have severe burns all over your body.

“Sorry,” she insisted as he was leaving the bedroom. “But if he is so badly hurt and in need of proper care, then how am I supposed to tend him? What if he needs a doctor?”

“The boss will contact whomever he needs. In case he can’t, the intercom downstairs, unless unlocked by the right fingerprint, immediately dials my number. So you can press any button and I will answer.”

So there was really no chance for her to escape that place. It was really going to be like a prison, but with a danger looming over her that she wasn’t really aware of yet. Maybe the man was very hurt, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t hurt her back. Yes, she did have a place where to sleep, food, clothes and somehow more freedom than in a prison cell, but she was there to pay for a crime. A crime which wasn’t entirely her fault.

***

“The scavenger is here,” announced Hux his boss. The ruthless Kylo Ren was now a mere shadow of his old self as he was lying in bed with his body almost completely bandaged. Moreover, even though he was not looking at him, instead, gazing outside the window, Hux knew that he was also wearing a mask. It was rather sad that he had replaced his helmet with a mask meant to protect him as his face was assimilating the skin grafts. 

“Fantastic,” he uttered after a long pause. The head wound had affected him more than expected and for a man so vain, not being able to even speak without stuttering or mispronouncing the words was more degrading than bearing those marks on his body.

“Any news?” he said once again after a long pause.

Hux cleared his throat and arched his back.

“The Resistance is now officially in charge. The remaining First Order members and I have discussed going to the supreme court an-”

“And what?” he asked on a cold as ice tone.

“It was indeed a coup d’etat, sir. However, we’ve lost not only our Supreme Leader, but also important men and our staff. The court might excuse the murder of our leader, but not the terrorist attack on a private estate and the death of innocent people. We can have the leaders of the Resistance executed for treason and convince the other members to join us. By the time all of this will be over, you will have been recovered completely, right on time to become the new leader.”

Kylo Ren said nothing and Hux decided to take his silence for a silent agreement. He smirked ready to leave the room but stopped with his hand already on the doorknob.

“Excuse me, sir, but why have you shown this… trash so much mercy? She’s one of them and the worst kind. A mercenary.”

Kylo Ren pondered his question 

“She’s not really one of them. I can feel it. But she’ll give us the information we need.”


	2. Gnossienne II

After the longest bath in her entire life, Rey looked in the mirror mesmerised by her own clean face. She had been a bit reluctant to use all those things in the house, but that horrible man pretty much told her to enjoy herself. After all, that was what she wanted and longed for her entire life - a roof over her head and the bare minimum comfort. And that was more than she had bargained for. Maybe it wasn’t going to be that bad in the end.

She finished drying herself off and went to the wardrobe. Sometimes, when she stared at the clothes shop windows or even electronics shop windows, she used to see so many beautiful clothes or women having huge closets. She had always wondered what it was like to be that lucky, but also why would one need so many things while others had nothing?

Sighing, she pulled out a simple white cotton nightgown. Regardless of how curious and terrified she was, she was suddenly feeling exhausted. She had barely slept in jail as people kept interrogating her and the fear of never waking up again kept her awake. But then there was the possibility of her new employer and jailer needing her. Scratching her arm where she had her own scar, she eventually gathered all the courage left inside her and got out of the room. With small cautious steps, she reached the other bedroom door and stared at the doorknob. Was she supposed to knock or just enter? If she knocked, he might wake up, but if she just entered and he was awake, he would get angry and maybe punish her. So she decided to improvise. She knocked once to make sure that he wouldn’t wake up in case he was asleep and also not make a fuss about her not knocking, then entered slowly. The sun was already setting and rays were creating funky shapes as they were making their way between the branches and the foliage of the trees behind the cabin. But she was not there to admire anything, so she shook her head reminding herself of the reason why she was there. And the reason was sleeping after all. He was breathing heavily and she could see his bandaged hands, but his head was leaning to his right as if he had fallen asleep waiting for the sunset. Overwhelmed by her troublemaking curiosity, she approached the man, with each step feeling more drawn to him. She kneeled by his bedside and put her hand over his. His lips were parted and he looked so much like an innocent child that her eyes got all teary knowing that she was partially to blame for his suffering. She could even see the huge bandage where she had hit him and…

“Kory…” he murmured and opened his eyes for a mere second. Rey’s eyes grew wider and she gasped unsure of his reaction. He looked at her for a moment, then sighed and closed his eyes, falling asleep once again. She exhaled loudly, finally relaxing, then got up and returned to her bedroom, not understanding the odd feeling growing inside her. Though, she was going to have all the time in the world to figure things out. Now she was finally going to enjoy a nap in that gorgeous bed.

It was still dark outside when she woke up all startled and not knowing where she was. It took her a while to calm down and keep herself from running outside and get shot by one of the guards. Sighing, she pushed the heavy duvet off her body. It was so hot in that room that it was already suffocating her. She was too used to freezing every single night, except for some warmer summer nights, that now it was weird to sleep in such a clean comfortable and warm place. And she was also hungry and thirsty.

Chewing on her bottom lip, she carefully got out of the bed and went downstairs. She looked curiously at the fridge, then carefully opened it and stared at the vegetables, fruit, labelled Tupperware and bottles. She took a bottle of something dark and by the smell of it, it was some sort of tea, and some grapes. She had tasted grapes only once and they were mostly not in a very edible state. But these ones… She closed her eyes and let out a loud moan. It wasn’t just hunger. They were the best thing she had ever tasted. She finished eating them quickly, then went back to the fridge and grabbed some more as she drank the peach flavoured tea. It was not right to feel that good in that place and that knot in her stomach was a constant reminder that her life there wasn’t supposed to be heaven on earth, but an alternative to prison.

Chewing on another grape, she stopped at the top of the staircase and looked at her jailer’s door. Was that music and noise she was hearing? A piano and thumps and bumps. Yes, that was music and those were noises and he was most certainly very awake.

She swallowed, cleared her throat and knocked on the door.

“Yes?”

Oh, his voice was nice. She opened the door and stepped inside with a shy smile on her face. The music didn’t come from an actual piano as the man was in an armchair, taking some medicine or at least trying to take some medicine. He mumbled something which was probably meant to be a curse word and Rey noticed his medicine dropping on the floor one by one. She ran to him and kneeled in front of him, picking up each pill.

“You’re just a girl,” he observed as he stared at her youthful face and innocent eyes. “Do you have a name?”

Rey noticed that he was struggling to speak as fluently as possible. She put the pills between his lips, one by one, trying her best to not stare at him in an uncomfortable manner or to not blush at the pleasant texture of his lips. Then, she took the glass of water off the nightstand and helped him with the straw.

“I’m Rey,” she finally said.

“Rey what?”

She shrugged putting the glass back on the nightstand and turned to face him. She pointed at the grapes, but he shook his head and kept looking at her, waiting for an answer.

“I don’t have any other name,” she admitted. “I grew up on the streets and sometimes in shelters or very bad foster homes. I don’t even know if Rey is even my real name.”

The man seemed to ponder her answer, then chuckled with a pained grimace.

“So _ I _ was almost killed by a literal nobody.”

Rey furrowed at his arrogance and her sudden display of attitude and bravery seemed to have conflicted him as his gaze changed from a rather angry and disgusted one. He licked his lips, then he grabbed her chin, lifting it as he leaned in as well. Rey licked her lips as well, rather nervous. Oh, he had such beautiful eyes. One of them was rather reddish from the fire, but they were so dark and expressive that it was almost impossible to not end up hypnotised. He was most definitely not the most handsome man, but he sure was gorgeous in his own way… even with half of his face burnt.

“I’m so terribly sorry,” she said overwhelmed by guilt. “I swear I only entered out of curiosity and then I considered stealing, but I never meant to hurt you.”

“You planted bombs in my house.”

She shook her head panicking.

“No! Please, believe me! I just wanted to get something to sell. I was hungry.”

“You were  _ hungry _ ,” he snorted. “So you killed everyone in the house and almost killed me for a slice of bread.”

“Sir, I’m just a scavenger. How would I get bombs and why would I bomb your house? I don’t even know you.”

He tilted his head analysing her trembling bottom lip and teary eyes. How dare she act so innocent and pretend to be the victim? Now that he was looking at her, he was truly convinced that she had no political interest in killing him or anyone else, but he was not yet convinced that she was not hired by the Resistance to distract him or plant the bombs herself. The poor fool probably had no idea what she was doing and was bought with promises of a nice meal. He swallowed the saliva in his mouth, rather angry at his own self for feeling pity for her.

“You know who else was in that house?” he asked letting her go.

She shook her head and rubbed her eyes like a child.

“Over twenty employees. Ordinary people doing ordinary jobs such as cleaning, cooking, driving and tending the garden. Thirty important politicians, including the Supreme Leader of this country.”

He paused for a moment and Rey could have sworn that there was a certain glimmer in his eye as he mentioned the Supreme Leader. She could have also sworn that he even smirked, had it not been for the sudden sadness in his eyes.

“And also my fiancee.”

“I’m so terribly sorry, Sir,” she said once again, putting her hand on his. His eyes grew wider and his lips thinned in a firm line. She removed her hand unsure whether she was hurting him or whether he was just angry and disgusted by her touch.

“Apologies won’t bring back any of those people.”

“I know, but I didn’t kill them. I’m only apologizing to you.”

He furrowed once again surprised by her idiotic courage, then clenched his jaw and grabbed his cane, trying to get up. He did manage to do so and even took a first step, but before taking the second one, his body refused to listen to him anymore. He felt himself falling and closed his eyes as the sudden movement stretched his burnt skin and made him relive the pain from that morning he woke up in the hospital.

“It’s ok,” he heard her say. “Don’t be afraid.”

He opened his eyes and saw her tiny body holding him and keeping him from falling.

He? Be afraid? Never! But he did somehow enjoy her touch. So he let her help him lay down. 

“Are you in pain?”

He chuckled and she sighed understanding the sarcasm in his gesture.

“Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No,” he said with his baritone voice now being rather weak. “I need to sleep.”

“Then I’ll see you in the morning… umm… Sorry, but how should I call you?”

He blinked rather confused by her gentle smile. Why was she acting so nice and that ‘see you in the morning’ was more of something he would have heard from a lover… from his dead fiancee. Oh, what was her question? His name. He parted his lips to say Kylo Ren, but the first part remained stuck in his throat, whereas the second one came out rather distorted.

“Ben?” she tilted her head and he almost gasped. That was his real name, the one he hadn’t heard in years. Ben Solo had too much history and ties attached to his name, but Kylo Ren… Kylo Ren was the next Supreme Leader now that Snoke was dead. Of course, the Resistance now being in charge of the entire country and the Union was a huge step back, but he would recover. And the girl would eventually betray the Resistance and confess how they had paid  _ her _ , a poor innocent scavenger, to act as a mercenary.

“Goodnight, Ben,” she caressed his hand distracting him from his thoughts and plotting. “I don’t think I can help you much, but if you need me, please call. I’m a rather light sleeper.”

Ben kept staring at her as she turned off the light. Her body was still visible as she headed towards the door and despite his slight hatred for her, there was something else than pity making him feel conflicted regarding this strange girl. It was that thing he once felt when Kory first snuck in his bedroom after that masquerade. What had been in Hux’s mind when he bought that gown for the scavenger? Was the entire country out of plain pyjamas and so she had to get the most bridal, most virginal and yet sexiest gown? When he was going to see Hux again, he had to ask him to investigate that girl a bit more. Maybe her eyes and lips seemed to be telling the truth, but he couldn’t trust her or let his guard down around her. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.


	3. Gnossienne III

“Ben?” she knocked on the door and he rolled his eyes cursing the moment when he had that Freudian slip. His name sounded so sweet on her lips, especially with that adorable accent but he was not going to let her even attempt to get too close. If that was going to a cat and mouse game, he needed to remind himself constantly that he was the cat. If there was anyone supposed to fall on the knees, it was going to be her.

“Yes,” he allowed her to come in and so she did, clumsily carrying a tray.

“Hi! I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

The girl had no manners and she reminded him more of a funny penguin rather than an actual girl. Somehow, she was funny.

“I see you’re smiling,” she said excitedly. “Are you feeling better?”

“No,” he admitted, knowing that his smile was more of a grin resulting from his mind constantly plotting how to subjugate her and turn her against the Resistance.

“Oh,” she exhaled rather sad. “Well… I brought you some food. I hope it’s not too hot. The images on that machine are rather confusing, but I’ve seen the kids at the cafe using a similar one, so at least I’ve managed to use it.”

Ben got up on his own and let her put the tray on his lap. The scent of the cooked meat was making his stomach turn and he had to hold his breath to keep himself from throwing up right there. It reminded him too much of the smell of his own burnt flesh.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you have something else I can eat?”

Rey removed the plate with the cooked beef and pushed the plastic container filled with Greek yoghurt with nuts and different types of berries, then opened the bottle of what seemed like apple flavoured water as Ben pointed with his finger at the box of medicine on the chest of drawers. Rey got up and went to get it for him, allowing Ben to look at her body. She was now wearing a plain white T-shirt and a pair of flare legged pants. Her hair was neatly brushed and someone unaware of the truth would have foolishly mistaken her for an actual nurse or dedicated lover. Ben licked his lips remembering Kory.

“What do you do with these?” she said returning by his side.

“Yellow one in the water.”

Rey took the yellow pill and dropped it in the water bottle, watching it dissolve for a moment, before looking at Ben struggling with the spoon. She put her hand over his, caressing his fingers and ignoring his gaze, as she took with her other hand the spoon, lifting it to his mouth. Rather reluctant, he opened his mouth and allowed her to spoon-feed him. 

“Would you mind if I eat the rest?” she asked him later after the container was already empty and she was helping him hold the bottle of water. She took the straw out of his cup and put it in the bottle. Ben took a sip and coughed.

“Be my guest.”

Rey immediately grabbed the plate and started eating with her fingers as an appalled Ben watched her.

“What?” she spoke with her mouth full.

He shook his head scolding himself for even having the slightest expectations from a scavenger, then inhaled deeply.

“How old are you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe nineteen?”

“You don’t know?” he narrowed his eyes.

She shrugged just as she did a couple of hours before.

“There was this girl and her family took me in for a while. She was my age and the last time I saw her, she was having one of those parties people have when they become adults. That was like… last spring, so I suppose she is nineteen now and so am I.”

Ben pursed his lips as she kept devouring the cooked beef. Now he could only feel the tempting aroma of the sauce, but he knew that even putting the tip of his tongue on that found would have ended up with him throwing up. So he focused on drinking his medicine.

“How old are you?” she asked him after a while.

“I’m turning twenty-nine this year.”

“Is that a lot?”

Ben looked at her with big eyes, then burst into laughter. His face was hurting and so was every muscle of his abdomen, but it had been years since he last laughed like that. He had occasionally faked laughter when he was forced by circumstances to watch plays mocking the history of his family, but now he was genuinely feeling amused and not in a bitter manner.

“Actually,” he managed to say after a while. “It’s not as much as I’ve used to believe when I was about your age. In fact, I sometimes fee-”

He looked at her, noticing how she was absorbing each word with fascination and stopped himself from revealing too much. That little witch!

“Can you please turn on the TV? The remote is in the first drawer.”

Rey returned to the chest and opened the first drawer, finding a couple of remotes.

“Which one?”

“The one with the same name as the TV.”

She looked at the TV and bit her lip nervously until she managed to identify the same letters.

“What took you so long?” he asked impatiently once she returned by his side. Rey ignored his question and put the remote in his hand, but immediately removed it when Ben couldn’t hold it properly to use it.

“Green button and press two hundred forty-two.”

Rey hesitated after she turned it on and just stared at the clear image for a while. It wasn’t just the impressive machine that she was now controlling and not just looking at it through the window.

“Sorry… you said…”

“Two, four, two.”

Rey nodded and changed the channel from the black and white movie to the news only channel. Ben shifted his position, absorbed by the words spoken by the news anchor. Rey listened carefully, but could not understand why he cared about a law concerning factories. As far as she could understand, living in the same house as the Supreme Leader made him perhaps a politician as well.

“Great,” he huffed. “The Resistance has the support of all the leaders in the union.”

“The support to have factories recycle their waste?” 

Ben glared. Had he not been so angry, maybe he would have laughed again.

“No,” he uttered cautiously. “The support to rule this country and the union, despite being murderers.” 

“How do you know this?”

“It’s on the screen,” he furrowed. “Can’t you read?”

She parted her lips without saying anything. It was unnecessary considering that Ben had already figured it out.

“You can’t read at all?”

For the first time, there was no judgemental undertone in his voice, just pity and perhaps shame following the acknowledgement of his privilege as a rich person. What was normality for him and all the things he took for granted were unreachable aspects and goals for others.

“I can understand certain letters and words. Same with numbers. But I can’t really read and I can’t write at all.”

“Did your fosters not send you to school?”

“No. That family I told you about wanted to, but they died and their relatives kicked me out. What I know is what I’ve learnt from spying on kids in school. And I also know some history from one fellow scavenger. He used to be a teacher and taught me to speak better, but he died from the cold before he got to teach me more. I’ve learnt a lot on the streets, but not like people like you.”

Ben remembered the harsh lessons he had endured his entire life. Even though his palms were bandaged, he had memorised the scars on his palms from all the beatings. That damned wooden ruler didn’t help him with algebra and geometry, but it sure helped his teacher discipline him. It was cruel and ridiculous to envy his little scavenger in those moments, but he couldn’t help it. She was genuinely so serene and unaffected by her lack of knowledge. She was a fool and… how was that line? Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Maybe when I’ll get better, I’ll teach you how to read and write. After that, all the studying would be your own responsibility and choice.”

Ben bit his tongue, surprised by his own words. He looked at her for a moment before pretending to be focused on the news. Rey was more than shocked by his intention. She caught the falling bottle from his weak grasp and touched her teeth with the tip of her tongue.

“Why are you so nice to me? You’re like this  _ because  _ of me. Had I not hit you, you would have escaped the house before getting burnt.”

“Actually,” he spoke slowly, this time being truly focused on the news. “Had you not hit me, I would have died in the explosion. You were the reason why I left my chambers.”

So she was actually a heroine?

“Don’t get me wrong. You’re still my prisoner and I won’t forgive you so easily for what you’ve done to me. I should be ruling the country and the union now, not be spoon-fed by a nobody who can’t read.”

And there he went again. Rey got up scolding herself for allowing his words to hurt her like that and even more, for believing that his proposal had been genuine for even a moment.

“Do you still need me?” she said on a serious tone, taking the tray.

“Not now. You can leave.”

Of course she was going to leave. Maybe she was uncultured as everyone kept pointing out, but she knew a brat when she saw one. She had been a fool to mistake his behaviour for kindness when he was obviously trying to make her feel safe just to hurt her. Thumping her feet, she went downstairs and started cleaning the dishes. She was not sure what was she supposed to do with the containers, but just in case they were going to keep them, she washed them as well as she could. She was wiping them with a cloth when she heard the main door getting unlocked and saw the same ginger who brought her there the day before.

“Has he eaten anything?” he said approaching her.

“Yoghurt and fruit.”

“Any meat?”

“No. I think it made him sick.”

The pursed his lips, then looked at her from head to toe, analysing her new look. And judging by his narrowed eyes, he was plotting something. Rey took a step back, too unsure of his intentions, to turn her back on him.

“Anything else? Have you spoken to him?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “He’s fine, but he can’t stand on his own or use his hands much.”

“I know,” he sighed, then glared at her, Rey almost feeling her skin being cut by his hatred. “And only you are to blame.”

Rey watched him head towards his boss’ bedroom and mumbled. She had been willing to admit her guilt and pay for her crime of breaking in, trying to rob the place and for almost killing that Ben guy, but she was not going to be anyone’s punching bag just for a bunch of nice clothes and food and a comfortable bed and… a roof over her head… She cursed her own needs and traumatic years on the streets and stomped her feet back in her bedroom. The ginger had told her to look around, but what was to see in an empty living room and a kitchen? If only she were allowed to go outside. After spending her entire life homeless, nature was her actual home. She was like a wildflower that couldn’t survive without sun and without her feet touching the grass.

She blinked slowly and looked at the staircase, wondering what were those two talking about. Making sure her footsteps were not going to be heard, she snuck back upstairs and approached his bedroom door. The voices were barely audible, but if she focused enough…

“The investigation is still going on, which is good, but until the case isn’t closed, we can’t access any of our Supreme Leader’s accounts. I’m afraid with the Resistance snooping around, we-”

“We have nothing to hide.”

“It’s not about hiding. It’s about using our own weapons against us. Even if we regain power, we can’t risk having them ruin everything. I’m talking about treaties and important contracts. The Union can assign another leader, but we can’t have the country turned upside down by those utter incompetents!”

“Hux!” she heard his exhausted voice and clenched her fists resisting the urge to barge in. “I can’t deal with this right now. Do what you think it’s necessary.”

“But, Sir!”

“I can barely stand on my own!”

Rey narrowed her eyes. For a moment, she thought that they were whispering, but it was only Ben needing a longer pause.

“We need to let things cool down. The Resistance will fail. Without Snoke, they have no plan and nothing to offer. But if we want to want to succeed and overthrow them, we must do more than just replace Snoke. The First Order was flawed and allowed the rise of the opposition. Make our return easier, Hux, and I’ll take care of the rest.” 

Rey covered her mouth and ran into her room, waiting for the man to get out anytime soon. The moment she heard the door getting opened, then loud footsteps, she took a few steps back, reaching her bed. When he knocked, she immediately grabbed her nightgown and pretended to be folding clothes.

“Yes?”

“I’m leaving,” he added as soon as he opened the door. “I left you some things for the boss. His doctor can’t come today for the checkup, so call me in case he feels even just slightly more dizzy than usual. Also, try to help him bathe today and make sure he eats.”

She nodded and put down the nightgown.

“Has Ben told you anything about me?”

Hux raised an eyebrow and snorted.

“Who?”

“Ben,” she insisted.

“His name is  _ Ren _ . Kylo Ren. And you are nobody to address him like that.”

She was in no mood to disagree with him, even though it would have been interesting just to see his face once he found out that Ben or Ren or whatever was his name told her to call him like that in the first place. So she just nodded and waited for him to leave before sneaking in her jailer’s bedroom. He was already asleep and the TV was now turned off, only the usual piano music playing in the entire bedroom. With careful steps, she bent over and took the remote control. What did he say? Two-four-two. She waited for the image to load and turned down the sound enough to not wake him up but still hear the news anchor. She had to wait for a while until the news anchor finished announcing the latest news before finally talking about the political crisis.

“The country and the Union are still in a cold civil war after the coup that led to the death of the Supreme Leader Snoke and his team of advisors and ministers. People have been protesting in front of the new presidential palace, some blaming the Resistance for resorting to terrorist tactics to gain the power, whereas some praising General Organa and her team for putting an end to a totalitarian regime. With us today are general Pryde and Vice Admiral Holdo who will shed some light on the changes our nation is currently undergoing.”

“Kory…”

Rey jumped startled and almost dropped the remote on her way to Ben’s side. He was breathing heavily and seemed to be rather agitated. She gently caressed his thick dark hair, trying to soothe his pain.

“Kory,” he cried. “Fire...”

“Shh, you’re safe.”

He let out a loud grunt as his hand suddenly moved, grabbing her arm. Rey whimpered as his sudden display of strength was most likely going to leave a mark. She put her other hand on his, trying to make him let go.

“Ben, it’s ok. You are fine now. You are safe.”

The cadence of his breath calmed down as he opened his eyes to meet hers. He blinked slowly, almost hypnotising her with those dark puppy eyes. Judging by the gentle look, he didn’t seem to recognise her, instead, lifting his head and chin and pulling her closer. Rey did nothing to stop him, foolishly believing he was only going to ask her something. However, he had nothing to say. He just pressed his lips against hers. It lasted for only a few moments as he immediately fell asleep again, but it sure did leave Rey in shock. She touched her lips and looked at him, trying to understand what happened. His grasp was now so gentle that it felt like a tickle. 

“Ben…” she whispered touching his cheek and lips. He kissed her and for some reason, she wanted to experience the touch of his lips on hers a little bit more. She was leaning in for another kiss when she strengthened her back out of the sudden, to turn to look at the TV screen, where the two representatives had been arguing.

“But is there any possibility for Kylo Ren to come back? Many people want  _ him _ to become the new Supreme Leader as he was deemed the heir since he joined the First Order.”

_ Kylo Ren _ ? furrowed Rey.

“Kylo Ren is currently recovering after the wounds he suffered, but his recovery is impressive and I am sure we will soon have news from him. Of course, he has all of our support.”

Rey had stopped listening already, being too shocked by the grotesque monster in a mask. She had seen him before and he was quite a boogie man. Everyone feared him and there were many stories about his cruelty and how his men slaughtered innocent people during raids. There were no criteria or maybe there were some only known by them, but usually, people would just end up executed, butchered on the streets or in their own homes. And there he was now. 

Weak.

Hurt.

Barely alive. 

And worse - demanding justice when he had never shown mercy to others. Of course someone had tried to murder him! He was a mad man and a terrorist helping a dictator keep people under control through fear. He should have never survived. But maybe that was her role after all. She had been brought there to pay for her presumed crimes against him, but knowing now that he was anything but an innocent man, it was quite obvious that fate wanted her to be there to accomplish the same thing she had been wrongly accused of. She looked at his long dark eyelashes, then at his parted lips, feeling now only disgust. Wiping her mouth, she left his side and went to the door. She was going to kill Kylo Ren even if that meant never ever leaving that cabin in the woods. The world or at least her country and the union needed to be free and safe from someone like him.


	4. A Cute Little Cup of Cyanide

“Why are you so quiet and meek?”

Rey jumped startled, then blinked confused. She had been so focused on trying to ignore his presence that she eventually somehow forgot where she was and what she was doing. She looked at the wet towel she was holding, then at his abdomen. He was such a handsome man burns or no burns, but then… he was also a monster. And she was not going to let those pretty dark eyes fool her.

Ignoring his question, Rey got up and dunk the towel in the basin. If she was going to be his prisoner, there was no point in trying to be friendly anymore. It was a duty, not genuine kindness. She was still feeling rather guilty about his head wound, but why she had to be the understanding and humane one when he had never had any remorse for anyone? She clenched her jaw and returned by his side. His skin was reddish and rather sensitive in certain spots meaning that it still needed ointments although they were not that severe to be bandaged. 

“Are you plotting something?” he narrowed his eyes smirking as she washed his chest.

“No,” she admitted with such sincerity that Ben almost believed her. “I was actually thinking about something the man with the orange hair told me.”

Ben snorted at her remark regarding Hux and at his arrogance. During his stay in the hospital, he realised how little power he had and how unpredictable life could be. It was not the attack that made him question his life and his future. After all, it was not the first. Living with a politician had its perks, but it sure had messed with his life ever since he was a mere toddler. The politicians in his life had changed, but the threats against his life sure hadn’t.

“What about him?” he coughed to hide a whimper as she pressed too hard on his sensitive skin.

“He told me that I shouldn’t call you Ben, as your name is Kylo Ren.”

Hux didn’t know anything about his true identity. And given the latest events and current political climate, it was better to keep it that way. He needed his allies and any advantage he could get.

“You can call me Ben,” he uttered nonchalantly.

Rey was unsure whether he did it on purpose to make her look him in the eye for the first time since he had woken up, but it sure worked. 

“I don’t mind you calling me Ben, but it’s perhaps better for you to call me Sir when Hux or anyone else is here.”

“Why?” she lifted her chin with arrogance. “I can call you ‘Sir’ starting from now.”

Ben gulped. His name on her lips was like a warm hug, but hearing ‘Sir’ coming from her and on that tone felt like a kiss on the neck. For some reason, two parts of his body seemed to react differently to those appellatives. It was not right. 

“Sir,” she repeated the word and his eyes grew wider. “What will happen to me if I end up disappointing you or upsetting you? For how long am I even supposed to remain in here?”

Ben pursed his lips and looked at her pretty face, then at her white cardigan. Was she cold wearing just her plain T-shirt? Maybe she could use some fire. He parted his lips for a remark that would put her back in her place, but he eventually decided to remain silent. Rey shook her head with a tensed look on her face and proceeded to wash his legs. He inhaled quickly at the first touch and not just because he was ticklish, but because her small hand on his thigh reminded him of Kory. Of course, the girl’s hands were not as soft or delicate as hers, but he sure had missed the touch of a woman, even just an inoffensive one. He lifted his hand and grabbed her sleeve, pulling it so that the cardigan immediately fell off her shoulder.

“What,  _ Sir _ ?” she said refusing to look at him.

He would not allow her to ignore him like that! Was she disgusted by his body? Then too bad for her, because she was going to face that disfigured face and scarred body for as long as he wished so that she would never forget what she had done to him. But that girl was still ignoring him and even got up again to rinse the towel and flaunt her pretty body. The fool was really trying to seduce him as if he would ever be that desperate to fall for the pathetic attempts of a street rat.

Once she returned by his side, his wild gaze analysed her every move. Her calm was unnerving and part of him wanted to lash at her and demand her to leave him be. Though she was responsible for his pain and loss and she had acted as a puppet for the Resistance, so he was not going to let her push him until he snapped. He was going to win and get the answers he needed. There was a reason why he was still alive after the two attacks from that night.

“Why have you never worked before?”

Rey remained silent at his attempts of humiliating her.

“You’re young and healthy. I also suppose that given your age, you wouldn’t have desired to be a stray cat for the rest of your life.”

The girl stopped rubbing his skin and smirked.

“I have no papers, no education and I used to look like…  _ that _ . Who would have hired me,  _ Sir _ ?”

“I, myself, worked on a programme meant for every citizen to be given a job.”

For a mere second, she was impressed, but then she smirked with apathy and looked him in the eye with defiance.

“Well, it mustn’t have been a good one, because it did nothing for people like me.”

“One can’t help people who don’t want to be helped.”

“I repeat - no papers, no education, no nothing. They wouldn’t even let me sweep the streets.”

His eyes were so cold that he seemed like a different person from the man who kissed her. He was probably closer to his true self as Kylo Ren.

“So how did you manage to survive? Where did you get money from? Stealing? Murdering?”

That was not exactly the smartest way of making her confess, but the tension building inside him with each touch of her hands on his skin was only making him more nervous and lose patience. Hux had made sure that nothing in the house could be used to hurt him, but the girl was so sneaky and smart despite her other flaws.

“Stealing, yes, sometimes. Murdering, no, never.”

“What else? Begging?”

“When I was younger.”

“ _ Selling _ ?”

_ Sell what?  _ she thought. The items she had stolen? But they were only food and water and they were usually leftover that were going to be thrown away anyway.

“You are pretty,” he remarked and she flinched at the sudden compliment. “So I assumed you must have used your beauty to survive.”

_ What beauty under all the filth and rags?  _ she snorted. But that was the exact point he was trying to make her see.  _ Under  _ the rags. Her jaw dropped for a moment before she furrowed appalled. 

“There were many homeless men. Former war heroes, former teachers, former… God knows what. They all had impressive stories and they all taught me the same about their… your kind, especially in what concerned girls like me. I have no idea where my life would have taken me had I not met you, but so far, trust me that I’ve been fiercely protecting myself from letting anyone subjugate me or force me to bring a child into this world only to have the same fate as mine.”

She went to rinse the towel again then approached him again.

“Your shoulders and back,” she said and he made a pained grimace as he sat up. She put her hand on his unbandaged shoulder and began washing his back.

“So what were your plans for the future?” he asked slightly calmer, but only because the tension was almost paralyzing him. 

“Why do you care…  _ Sir _ ?”

“I want to enjoy the idea that I’ve ruined your life just like you’ve done with mine,” he sighed, bored.

Rey pouted as she touched the scars on his back. They were old ones, obviously not from the explosion, and they were all over his back. Maybe the prince of darkness hadn’t grown up in feathers and rose petals after all.

“You mentioned not wanting to raise a child in those conditions. You’re still very young, but I suppose you do want a family considering that you don’t have one right now.”

“I guess,” she shrugged. “My main focus has always been my survival. That’s why when I broke into your house, I foolishly believed that maybe some item from there could help me change my life. I’ve never wanted to live a lavish life like yours, but a decent one would have sufficed.”

“You have that now.”

She stopped rubbing and leaned back to look at him. His dark gaze was slightly less vicious now and somehow friendly and sincere. He was right after all. She was his prisoner, but somehow she had a roof over her head, a bed, the privilege of bathing whenever she wanted, clothes and lots of food. 

“So what can you offer me in exchange?”

What was he trying to do? And how come such a silly brat was the heir of the former Supreme Leader? So perhaps there were no criteria for the executions, after all. And now she was in the hands of someone with too much power and who had a vendetta against her.

“Food,” she responded on a cold tone, refusing to play his sick game. “You skipped lunch and it’s almost dinner time.”

He said nothing, but Rey had to hide her smile. He was not very happy with her attitude and if bravery was going to make him accept her boundaries and respect her, then she was going to risk everything. He wanted something from her and by hesitating to answer her questions, it was more than obvious that he indeed needed her alive. It was a matter of time, but she was going to make him pay or at least somehow keep him from rising against the Resistance. 

She took the tube with the ointment for his mild burns and put some on her fingers before she began massaging his skin.

“Does it hurt?” she asked cursing her own weak heart. She shouldn’t care whether it hurts or not.

“No,” he murmured. “Or at least it hurts less than everything else.”

She looked at his serious face and at the bandage covering the wound she was responsible for. 

“And your head?”

“Same.”

“But aren’t you used to pain?” she asked as she massaged his chest, moving upwards to his shoulders. His chest and shoulders had some scars as well, but not as many as his back.

“You are used to poverty and hunger, but it never made it less torturing, did it?”

Now that she was paying attention, his face was so close to hers that their noses were almost touching just like his long eyelashes were almost touching his cheeks each time he blinked. And she could have sworn that his eyes were analysing each freckle on her face.

“Why did you kiss me?” she whispered.

Once his eyes grew wider, she gasped. That question had been going through her mind ever since he pressed his lips against hers, but she didn’t intend to actually ask him.

“What kiss?” he furrowed.

And then he remembered the dream. The images were rather unclear, but he knew for sure that he was holding Kory in his arms, making love to her and kissing her. The kiss sure felt different and now he knew why. That hadn’t been Kory and those hadn’t been her lips.

“I…” he avoided her gaze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to and you have my word that it won’t happen again.”

Rey raised an eyebrow rather amused. She had wanted to kiss him back out of curiosity, so she couldn’t truly blame him for doing it in the first place. After all, he was sleeping then and he would have probably kissed any other person. There wasn’t anything special about her and it was better like that. Having him be disgusted by a ‘stray cat’ like her was safer than to have that monster develop an obsession for her. But at least it felt nice hearing him apologize.

“Let’s get you dressed.”

Ben nodded and waited for her to bring him a new pair of pyjamas. He smirked as she put on his pyjama top and buttoned it up. He usually preferred getting undressed, but things had changed and Kory was no longer there… nor were his feelings anymore. And the girl kept ignoring him!

“Thank you,” he pulled away. “I would like to eat now.”

Rey exhaled a little bit tired, then took the basin and left the room right on time as Ben lip trembled and tears started streaming down his face. He bit his tongue to muffle the loud cries as his body barely assimilated the oxygen in the air. What right he had to reproach the girl anything when he was who he was and he had done all those terrible things? And all was in vain! Just wasted time, energy and blood for the ego of a maniac. What was worse was the fact that it was too late to turn back even with Snoke dead. Not that even if he had the chance he would do it. His entire life he had been nothing but torn between two sides, which were either fighting over him or passing him from one another as if he were a toy and not a person.

He quickly wiped his tears on his shoulder once he heard the girl returning. She pushed the door with her hip and approached him with a tray. The pumpkin soup looked nice and he was so hungry that even the pilaf and chicken bits looked absolutely delicious. 

“Are you not eating?”

“I’ve had lunch, so I’m not that hungry yet.”

Rey was so keen on ignoring him that she didn’t notice his puffy red face until she lifted the spoon to his lips. She let out a small whimper but didn’t find the courage to ask him anything. She shouldn’t care. 

“Is it too hot?” she asked trying her best to avoid his sad gaze and red teary eyes, though focusing on his full lips so soon after discussing their kiss was no really a smart move.

“It’s fine,” he added with a weak voice.

“Did you love her?” she asked once she put the bowl down and grabbed the fork. “Your fiancee.”

“No.”

His shocking answer froze her hand in midair. She looked at him for even the tiniest hint of sarcasm, but he was too miserable to be joking. In fact, she even saw a tiny tear in the corner of his eye. She couldn’t understand it. He was dreaming of that woman and kissing her in his sleep and even reproached her that Kory’s death in the explosion. 

“But you were supposed to get married,” she found herself saying.

“My life is too messy to be understood by anyone. I can’t understand it myself.”

There it was again! His voice trembled and his jaw clenched. He was in pain and it had nothing to do with the burns. 

“Take a bite,” she encouraged him with a soft maternal voice and Ben listened to her like a lost puppy seeking to please anyone that could replace his mother. She managed to convince him to take six bites, which was not enough for a man of his size but it was a progress after the previous day. Oh, she’d been there for barely three days and it felt like an entire life. The boredom and forced confinement were going to gradually make her go crazy. That was probably how birds felt like. Outside, they were free, but always in danger and risking hunger or death at the hands of nature, while inside the cage they were safe and had everything they needed apart from actual freedom and adventures. Couldn’t one have both? Was it that much?

“Thank you,” he coughed and she took the tray and put it away until she would go downstairs.

“Do you want me for anything else today?”

“Can you turn on the TV?”

She grabbed the remote and turned on the TV on the news channel. She was about to hand the remote to him, but he shook his head and lifted a finger.

“Umm… seven-zero-one.”

Rey pressed the buttons and jumped once the loud singing startled her. She turned down the volume and looked at him as he struggled to find a more comfortable position. She bit her lip, cursing once again her weak heart, and went to him to help him. She put another pillow behind his back and made sure that he was comfortable.

“Do you want to stay with me?”

She had expected another polite yet empty ‘thank you’, not an invitation to watch people in fancy clothes scream on a dark stage. But she was bored anyway, so she grabbed a seat in that large armchair.

“One of my favourite activities used to be going to the opera. Have you ever heard of opera?”

She shrugged nonchalantly as the woman on the stage kept screaming or singing or whatever she was doing.

“It’s like theatre, but most of the lines are sung. Have you ever heard of theatre?”

“I’ve never been to an actual theatre,” she admitted. “But I remember I saw some funny plays in the park during that summer festival. They had nice music and free food.”

He chuckled, so she blushed, pouting.

“What is this opera about?”

“It’s about a woman waiting for her lover for years and one day he comes back, but it’s not actually him, but his son and he falls for her niece, but she keeps pushing him away until he leaves with her aunt. It’s a little bit weird, but I quite enjoyed it.”

She made an unimpressed grimace.

“Must they scream like that?”

“Yeah,” he laughed and Rey gasped at how different his face was when he laughed so innocently. “They  _ usually  _ ‘scream’ like that, but it normally depends on the play.”

“Are those people?” she narrowed her eyes at the mass in front of the stage.

“Yes, Rey. It’s a play after all. It’s just like in that park during the summer festival.”

“But there are so many people!” she whispered. “Have you ever been to a place like that?”

“Many times. I even saw this play many times. I used to go weekly with…”

He stopped before uttering their names. The last moments spent with them were beginning to haunt him as the pain inside his head grew stronger. The spasm made him grab his bandage for a moment before he started punching his head wound. Those ghosts needed to leave before awakening more of them. 

“Stop, stop!” Rey rushed to him. What did it all happen? One moment he was smiling and enjoying himself and then he suddenly started hurting himself and crying. She grabbed his arm to keep him from hurting himself even more, but he was stronger than her. She squeezed his burnt arm, hoping that it would make him stop and it did for a mere second. His arm fell in his lap and he gasped for air. His vision became blurry and all the alarms in his head were on. He pushed Rey right before he felt the soup and pilaf escaping his stomach. He threw up on the blanket until the pain dimmed and his mind turned slightly dizzy. It took him all his strength to not pass out in his own vomit.

“I’m sorry,” he coughed. “I’ll-”

“Let’s go to the bathroom,” said Rey grabbing the blanket and throwing it in the bathtub, before returning to help him get up. His limbs were so weak that he barely managed to cling onto her tiny body, but the little stray cat was much stronger than she seemed. She carried him into the bathroom and helped him rinse his mouth.

“You should have hit me harder,” he wept and Rey’s lips thinned in a firm line.

“There’s a reason why you’re still here. Until you find it, you better be grateful to the doctors who saved your life… and to me for making you get downstairs before the explosion.”

He snorted at the girl using his own words. But she had absolutely no idea who he truly was. Even as the Resistance’s pawn, she was still oblivious to the ugly truths behind closed doors.

“I don’t think I ever loved anyone,” he uttered once he was ready to go back. “It’s soul-crushing, especially when you realise it after fooling yourself for years that you did.”

Rey carried him to his bed and helped him sit down.

“At least your pyjamas and bandages are fine,” she smiled. “Even if your heart isn’t.”

“Or my head,” he smiled back.

“Do you want me to stay here with you?”

“If you’re not already sick of me, I’d rather not be alone tonight.”

“Then I’ll go get you some tea. I’ll leave the door open.”

Ben nodded and watched her leave. His situation was so humiliating and it angered him how much her kindness was making him soft and weak. Snoke had been a recluse physically, but he had always been strong and ruthless. A Supreme Leader couldn’t cry and drown in self-pity like him. But maybe he could take a break from overthinking things for at least one night. Especially considering how his punches had been stronger than expected. Why couldn’t he be one of the peasants in the village?

“Here you go,” she put the bottle in his hand and helped him drink. “I found some biscuits if you want to eat.”

“I’d rather not eat anything right now.”

With slow careful moves, he laid down and let her tuck him in.

“Is it warm enough?”

“Yeah. Can you turn off the light, please?”

Once the lights were off with only the TV still on, the room was somehow cosier and more intimate. Probably because all those medicines and his bandages were no longer visible to make it seem like a hospital ward. Though the scent was rather unpleasant after his vomiting and because of the ointments and medicine. She didn’t mind it as she had spent many years as a scavenger looking through trash for something to help her survive at least one more day. But maybe he minded.

She ran to large windows and door leading to the balcony. She put her hand on the doorknob ready to open it until she noticed her reflection and nothing else. It was so dark outside that it looked like a void ready to swallow anything stepping outside the cabin. 

“It’s locked. Everything is locked by Hux.”

Rey turned to look at him and furrowed. Of course it was!

“Fine,” she sighed. “Do you want me to turn off the TV too?”

“No, but I will let you pick what to watch since you don’t like opera.”

She smirked, then uttered an ‘oh.’ He was serious about it. 

With careful steps, she took the remote and changed the channels until she found something nicer. Pretty people in normal clothes and speaking normally. 

“What’s this?”

“An ad,” he giggled and the sound made Rey’s stomach and chest feel funny.

“Oh,” she whispered before changing the channel on a cartoon. Colourful and adorable.

“You can’t be serious,” he moaned. 

“What?”

“ _ Beauty and the Beast _ ?”

“I don’t know what’s that.”

It was too dark to see the look on his face, but she was feeling ridiculous and didn’t even know why. Was it because cartoons were for children and she was no longer a child?

“I can let you pick if it bothers you,” she uttered embarrassed.

“It’s fine. I haven’t watched cartoons in over twenty years, but I… It’s fine. Now come sit.”

Rey looked at him gently tapping the duvet and she gasped.

“In your bed?”

“You’ve sat on it before.”

“Yes, but to take care of you, not…  _ sleep _ .”

“I’m inoffensive as you can see.”

_ Because you’re forced to _ , she lifted her chin.

“I don’t mind sleeping on the floor or in the armchair.”

“But I do. I don’t want to stumble over you when I go to the bathroom and the armchair is too far away.”

“I can move it closer.”

“Or you could just sit and enjoy your damn cartoon.”

Feeling scolded and tired of arguing on that subject, Rey gave in and joined him in bed, but at a considerable distance. 

“What is it about?”

Ben rolled his eyes and chuckled.

“Don’t you want to watch the movie?”

“I’m curious.”

He sighed and turned his face to look at her.

“It’s about someone trespassing and paying for the crime.”

“How is this for children?” she furrowed appalled, failing to see that he was just mocking her.

“Well… the girl does fall in love with the beast and he does do nice things for her and at the end, she transforms the beast back into a handsome prince by kissing him or something like that. It’s based on a fairytale.”

“Oh, so it’s like us?”

Ben made an amused grimace as he watched her chew on her lip. Was the stray cat calling him a spoiled brat and a beast? Because  _ technically  _ he was a prince, but he had never been spoiled given that his childhood had been nothing but a miserable mess. And regarding the beast part… 

“I didn’t turn into a charming pretty guy when we kissed or maybe I should have kissed a girl who can actually read like the one in the movie.”

Too tired to care about his snarky remarks, Rey shook her head unimpressed by his attempts to insult her.

“Or maybe you should have waited to be kissed by someone who loved you.”

She wasn’t looking at him anymore, but she did hear him gasp. She counted to ten using her fingers, then gave in and looked at him. He was still staring at her with a hurt look on his face. But his puppy eyes wouldn’t make her apologize this time or take back anything. If he was going to treat her like that after washing his body, tending his wounds, feeding him and cleaning his puke, then she was going to-

“Too bad no one ever did or will.”

With that last remark, he turned his face away from her, to his right, staring at the darkness outside the cabin. His words saddened Rey because she was feeling the same considering her own childhood and life up until that moment, though she still had the hope that someone would someday love her. However, she reminded herself of the terror and the executions. Not being loved wasn’t an excuse or reason, but it sure damn was a rightful consequence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title refers to Biffy Clyro - Black Chandelier (https://youtu.be/myc_RViTHhY)


	5. Falter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The solitude and a new common enemy make Rey and Kylo Ren reconcile after weeks of silence.

“May I come in?” she knocked holding the tray on her hip. The voice invited her in and she entered without lifting her eyes. After that tiresome day, they had stopped talking to each other, except for when it was necessary. Ben or Kylo didn’t even bother thanking her or responding to her greetings, let alone look at her, so after a couple of days, Rey stopped greeting him or expecting anything from him. The man with the red hair had told her as well to mind her own business and not bother the boss as she was too unimportant and irrelevant for him to waste his attention on. But even for someone like her, she could see that he was being haunted by something… his past perhaps and his crimes.

_ Good _ , thought Rey as she left the tray on the bed. He was standing by the window, looking at the trees. He was using a cane, but Rey had seen him take walks in his bedroom and, for some reason, it wasn’t only to regain his mobility and flexibility. He was like a lion in a cage, feeling the same frustration she felt.

He turned to look at the tray. Chicken soup, peas, mashed potatoes and carrots with some grilled chicken breast and a mini-fruit tart. He chuckled and dragged his feet to the armchair.

“I’m so fucking bored,” he sighed as he sat down.

Rey looked at him and touched her front teeth with the tip of her tongue. Was it just a remark for his own ears or was he trying to make conversation with her?

“Have you eaten?” he said and this time she was sure that he was asking her.

“No, not yet.”

“Then go get me my tea and grab a fork and spoon for yourself. I can’t eat all this food.”

Rey nodded and he watched her leave. She was wearing a pair of floral flare legged pants and a yellow T-shirt. She was so pretty in those bright colours and even adorable how she walked like a penguin. No matter how much he had been trying to ignore her, he couldn’t help himself from admiring her shape, her freckles, the way she wiped the sweat off her forehead when she washed him. She was making him feel so self-conscious, but also confident with her ignorance. She didn’t seem to feel disgusted about his burns or his overall condition. Her origins and simplicity were what made her so caring and kind… and such a fool.

“Here you go,” she handed him the bottle of tea, then bent over to take the tray, making him smirk at the sight of her butt. Too bad he couldn’t properly remember that kiss.

“Thank you,” he smiled and she almost dropped the bottle. “What?” he chuckled.

“Aren’t you in a good mood?”

“I’m actually incredibly bored.” 

Rey pursed her lips and lifted the spoon to his lips, wondering how he really was before. People knew him as the murderous monster making sure that everyone was meek and that no one defied the First Order. But that night she saw a handsome man and during his few better moments, he was also rather charming in his own way. So who was really Kylo Ren?

“What did you use to do before? I mean… I suppose you were not always working.”

“I had a fixed schedule, actually,” he coughed and Rey wiped the soup spilt on his chin. “I used to work out, read, travel sometimes and…”

“And?”

“Go to the opera and have sex.”

Rey’s eyes grew wider, but once she saw his smirk, she shook her head and snorted.

“Of course you did.”

“So as you can see, I didn’t have that many hobbies, but I sure used to a lot more than just lay down and stare at the ceiling.”

“You’ll get to do all of those things again, Sir.”

Ben furrowed and lifted his hand to grab her wrist. He was not yet capable of squeezing it, but Rey gasped at his touch. His hands were so big that he could easily strangle her with only one hand and then tear her limb from limb.

“I said you can call me Ben when we’re alone.”

“Why Ben?” she asked, immediately regretting her intrusion. She cleared her throat then asked again. “Isn’t your name Kylo Ren?”

“No,” he admitted. “And you know it. The Resistance must have told you.”

She tilted her head confused. 

“Oh, yeah!” he smiled. “I forgot that you were merely a pawn.”

“No,” she uttered lifting the spoon again. “You keep forgetting that I am not your enemy.”

_ Or at least I wasn’t before. _

“That’s enough,” he gently pushed her hand away. Rey took his words for a warning that she had crossed the line. However, he was just done with the soup.

“Are you sure?” she insisted. Not even a quarter of the bowl was in his stomach. But Ben pointed at the vegetables and Rey put back the soup and took the other plate. Maybe she could convince him to take more than just a couple of bites. Not that she necessarily cared whether he died of starvation or not, but he deserved a more severe punishment. 

“What is the worst thing you’ve ever done… Ben?”

He swallowed the mashed potatoes and took the bottle of tea, struggling with the straw. 

“It depends.”

“Depends on what?” she took the bottle and gave him another bite. Maybe by distracting him, she could make him eat some meat.

“People have different concepts of what’s a truly bad deed. What you would perceive as some atrocious crime, I could see it as something completely normal and righteous to do.”

“Ok then,” she nodded. “Then what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done that crushed your soul?”

He made a disgusted grimace when he tasted the grilled chicken, but swallowed it immediately and took the bottle of tea again.

“I let myself become this. Or allowed others to turn me into this.”

That was not the answer she had expected. She had hoped to hear him confess how he killed entire families or burnt villages or… abuse women, anything that could have stopped her from staring at his lips and long eyelashes or kept her from forgetting that she was the prisoner of a mad man and murderer. 

“What’s yours?” he asked shaking his head as she tried to make him eat some peas, but Rey’s glare of disapproval made him realize that she wouldn’t tell him anything unless he ate some more. He rolled his eyes and parted his lips, letting her almost shove the food in his mouth.

_ I hit you _ , she thought, but then remembered his words about somehow saving his life by making him go downstairs and not be in one of the rooms that had bombs in them. Or maybe it was her worst mistake as it allowed someone like him to still have a chance at torturing more people.

“I…” she began looking at the bread bun Ben never ate. “I remember I once stole a woman’s grocery bag while she was not paying attention. I was  _ so  _ hungry and she had fresh bread and it smelled  _ so  _ good. But what I didn’t know was that she had her wallet inside the bag and I didn’t even notice until I saw her storming out of the bakery, crying and begging. She was desperate because she had just got her salary and was supposed to pay the bills and buy food for her children. It broke my heart how selfish I had been, never thinking about those I stole from. So… I couldn’t do anything about the bread, but I went to her and gave her the wallet. I was too ashamed to admit that I was the thief, so I lied and told her that someone had run away with a bag and dropped it. I even lied to myself that I deserved her genuine gratitude and accepted the things she gave me. She was just a poor woman and she still bought me a meat pie and gave me some fruit and coins.’

“And all because you were hungry.”

She knew that he was also referring to his head wound, so she shrugged and grabbed the bun, taking a huge bite.

“I’ve never been truly hungry, so I can’t say that I know what you went through, but I-”

He stopped mid-sentence as the door opened and a tall man with a pale face walked inside followed by the one with red hair and another tiny one carrying a bag. The older man looked at them, then at the food and at Rey’s hand holding the bun so close to her mouth. He furrowed and snapped his fingers.

“Hux, who is this woman?”

“She’s the… umm… the culprit, Sir.”

“And why is she here, dressed like this and so close to the heir?”

Rey blushed and looked at Ben once she heard him sigh exasperatedly. 

“I don’t remember calling you,” he snarled. “I said I wanted to be alone during my recovery.”

“You’re thinner,” the older man remarked, ignoring Ben’s anger. “Hux, why is he thinner?”

Rey watched the man with the red hair as he cleared his throat and straightened his back.

“He has a strict diet, Sir.”

Why were talking about him as if he were some statue that couldn’t hear them or a child that couldn’t respond? Rey parted her lips and looked again at Ben, who was clenching his fists with a pained grimace.

“This diet includes having someone else eat his food?” the older man laughed disgusted.

“I’m eating it just because he can’t eat too much without throwing up, so we don’t want to waste it!” she defended herself and looked at Ben for his approval. However, he was not looking back at her, as he was too busy brooding.

“How considerate of you, rat,” snorted the old man, then turned to the doctor. “I want to know why I wasn’t announced that his body has been rejecting food.”

“We didn’t know either, Sir,” spoke the man with the red hair. “The girl usually informs me of any changes she notices, but-”

“Girl!”

Rey stood up and faced him. But if her bravery was usually met with surprise and confusion by Kylo Ren, the other man was so much different. He lifted his hand and slapped her, throwing her at Ben’s feet. 

“Pr-ryd…” stuttered Ben, choking on his own words. “D-d-”

“I’m not here to discuss your recklessness, Kylo Ren, but to make sure that you haven’t forgotten your duties and responsibilities. Hux! Take the rat out and leave me with the doctor. If I can’t rely on either of you, then I will make sure  _ myself  _ that there’s still a chance for him to recover and that none of you is simply wasting everyone’s time.”

Rey’s ears were ringing and her face was hurting so badly, that she barely felt Hux lifting her and taking her outside. He took her downstairs and pushed her onto a chair.

“Fuck!” he screamed brushing his palms against his bearded cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me that he’s been throwing up all the food?”

“I thought that if it had been so serious, then he would have told you himself.”

“No, he didn’t say anything,” he mumbled grabbing a bottle of cold water from the fridge and throwing it to her. “How often does it happen?”

“Umm…” she tried to remember, but the pain was too distracting. Oh, the pain! “I think something upset him and he started hitting himself until he threw up.”

Hux blinked confused, perhaps distrusting of her recollection.

“He punched himself in the stomach?”

“No,” she shook her head, immediately regretting. “His head. He said that I should have hit him harder.”

The man massaged his temples and sighed.

“So he hits himself and forces himself to throw up?”

“No,” she mumbled putting the cold bottle on her burning and throbbing cheek. “It was just that one time. He usually throws up when he doesn’t like the food or I make him eat too much. But he needs to eat, so I take my chances.”

Hux shook his head and scratched his beard. After her short and dreadful encounter with that other man, he seemed so much friendlier. 

“I hope this is the last time I have to remind you this - you must call me even if he has insomnia one night or a mosquito bit him!”

“Yes,” she whispered touching her cheek. “He did tell me today that he is bored and wants to go outside. He probably could use some fresh air.”

He narrowed his eyes trying to read her facial expression, perhaps to check whether she was lying and trying to get herself out of the house. After analysing her for a few minutes and pondering the idea, he sighed and shrugged. He seemed tired and overwhelmed by the situation. With the beard and the turtle neck sweater he also seemed less threatening than during their first encounters. 

“Let’s see what the doctor says and maybe I’ll unlock the balcony.”

“Sir,” she got up and put the bottle back in the fridge, getting another one. “Does he have a family? I mean… in case h-”

“In case of anything, you call  _ me _ .”

His tone was so radical that she felt the urge to get up and run to hide in her bedroom. Just because he didn’t say it straight to her face, she knew that his tone implied that Kylo Ren was all alone. Whoever he must have had before was now dead just like his fiancee. 

_ It’s not your problem!  _ she scolded herself.  _ He killed entire families so he got what he deserved! _

***

Hours later, Rey was hidden in her bedroom, listening to the noise coming from the hallway. That Hux guy had advised her to stay there until they all left, but they kept talking and talking and she was only growing more anxious. But it wasn’t only her fate the things that were worrying her anymore. It was the fact that she had no idea what she wanted anymore. And with time being such an uncertain thing, as it had been her entire life, she wasn’t sure whether it was safe to wait or not.

“Where’s the girl?” she heard the man’s voice and she covered her mouth to make sure that no sound escaped her mouth.

“She’s not important, Sir.”

“Of course she isn’t, but I want to see her.”

_ Oh no! _ she jumped as the door was slammed open.

“Sir, I-”

“Wait for me downstairs, Hux. It’s an order.”

“I only listen to Kylo R-”

“Kylo Ren is a wreck because of her and right now, I’m the one in charge, so you better do as I say, or else…”

Rey watched Hux’s jaw clench as he nodded. He looked at her, probably expecting her to understand the secret message he was trying to send her, then he left. He left her alone with  _ him _ . He was standing straight with his hands behind his back and his legs slightly parted to show her who was the domineering one. 

Like a hungry tiger, the man approached her step by step, while she stood there, frozen, unable to do anything but shake and clench her fists.

“You will report to Hux every day and inform him what Kylo Ren ate, drank, how many hours he slept and even how many times he peed, if necessary. Understood?”

She nodded avoiding his cold gaze, making two mistakes at once. The man grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him, and squeezed her jaw until he heard the first whimper.

“I asked - did you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good,” he hissed. “Now one more thing,” he said analysing her from head to toe. “I don’t want to ever see you in these clothes. From now on, you will wear a uniform, not these clownish clothes. Understood?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now I want to see what clothes you have.”

He let go of her and Rey took a couple of steps back before she got to reach her wardrobe. 

“What’s this trash?” he said from behind her and she jumped startled. The man picked a pair of panties, looked at it, then threw it on the floor, before grabbing some of the clothes which still had a price tag on.

“Get undressed!” he ordered her and Rey’s jaw dropped appalled. There wasn’t much shame when it came to her body, but undressing in front of that man… 

“Are you deaf or stupid? Un-dress  _ NOW _ !”

Trembling, Rey grabbed the edge of her T-shirt and took it off, the pushed down her pants, remaining only in her undies. Obviously uncomfortable and trembling, Rey avoided his gaze once again, but only until she heard him chuckle. She couldn’t help a resentful grimace provoking the man to grab her by arm and shake her until she let her arms fall, revealing her breasts.

“You’re pretty for a rat, but don’t you ever again dare try to seduce Kylo Ren. You’ve already done enough harm. I won’t allow you to even consider convincing him to forget his mission. Keep in mind that royal blood never mixes with the trash in your veins.”

She bit her lip to keep it from trembling and blinked to make sure that the tears in her eyes would not fall. Once again, she had no idea what they were talking about and why was she suddenly involved in their problems, but this time was sure that regardless of her actions, she would not get out alive from there.

The man let her go and she took the loose long-sleeved white T-shirt and plain black pants.

“Hux will bring you some decent clothes tomorrow. Until then, stop flaunting your butt in front of Kylo Ren and remind yourself every four seconds that you are a criminal and that you’re only alive as a whim of his.”

“Yes, Sir,” she whispered watching him terrified as he circled her until he stopped behind her. She gulped and squeezed her eyes shut when he pulled her hair, unsure of his intentions. It took a few odd sounds until he released her and she realized that something was different. She touched her hair and let out a small cry. Living on the streets, she had never paid any attention to her hair, but after she was brought there and had the privilege of bathing whenever she wanted, she grew fond of it and really enjoyed washing it and brushing it every morning and night. However, now her long locks were lying on the floor, next to her colourful clothes.

“Why?” she cried.

“Be grateful that I didn’t cut all of it,” he said on a serene tone, putting the pair of scissors back inside the inner pocket of his tunic. “Go to Kylo Ren and make sure he eats everything.”

This time, she was too much in shock to even nod. She waited for him to leave her bedroom, then let herself fall on the floor, letting out a miserable sigh. She sat there for a while - maybe five minutes or maybe fifty - until she felt capable of getting back up and visit Kylo Ren.

She dragged her feet to his bedroom door and knocked twice, then entered. He was still in the armchair, staring at his hands that now had new bandages that looked like fingerless gloves. There were other changes as well, but she was not in the best mental state to stand there and identify them.

“Do you need anything?” she managed to ask. He lifted his head and looked at her with those puppy eyes that for a moment she was sure she would break down and cry on the floor.

“So-sorry,” he breathed heavily and licked his lips. “Def-ent.”

What was wrong with him? His speech had been rather inconsistent and unusual, sometimes struggling with words, but it had never been that bad.

“Ch-eek.”

Rey touched her cheek, which was still hurting. She hadn’t even bothered to look in the mirror. It seemed that the cold bottle hadn’t helped much.

“I’m… fine. Do you want to eat?”

By the look on his face, that was the last thing he wanted at that moment.

“B-b-b-”

“Bed. Ok.”

She approached him completely aware that she was walking funny at that moment, but she was glad that she could walk at all given her nerves and shaking knees. She put her arms around his chest and helped him get up and reach the bed.

“Do you want to watch TV?”

“Umm…”

He was probably sick and tired of watching TV every single day and all day long.

“Sorry, Sir. I would love to read you a book, but we don’t have any and I can’t read. Perhaps when you’ll feel better, you will be the one to read to me.”

Ben blinked slowly and now Rey could see that was only very tired or under the effect of medication. She put her hand over his and listened to him as he breathed.

“Stay?” he whispered one last time. She could have said yes and join him in bed or at least fool him until he fell asleep. However, she felt like she couldn’t stay there anymore. She needed to occupy her time to forget.

“I have to wash some clothes, but we’ll talk later.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a reference to 'Falter' by Jake Morley (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53RHjz92xhI)


	6. Can I imitate the waves?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Kylo Ren isn't that much of a bad guy and maybe Rey needs a teacher.

Nights on the streets, especially autumn nights, were chilly and terrifying. Winter usually came with the certitude that they could simply fall asleep and never wake up, but autumns were so much dangerous. The days were sometimes hot like summer days, but once the sun set, the cold was ready to swallow every trace of heat and turn into a slow death. And just like that, the young Rey Nobody coughed once more, feeling her throat burn and sting.

“Here you go, child,” said the old man giving her a nasty smelling and ugly looking vegetable. It was carved and had some sugar that had turned into syrup. Rey looked at the old man, barely seeing him with her blurry vision.

“Go on!” he encouraged her. “It will make you feel better or at least help you get rid of that cough.”

“Am I going to die?” she spoke on a hoarse voice.

“Hopefully, you’ll make it. You know… I fought in the war, so I’ve seen many wounded people. And you know… they’ve survived, so I trust you’re soon going to play in the park again.”

“Maybe I should die,” she whined. “Be with mommy and daddy and never feel cold or hungry again.”

“Have you ever considered the fact that maybe you’re still here for a reason? We all have a purpose in this world.”

She chuckled, then finally accepted the odd drink. Despite the smell, it was not that bad. It was rather tasty and so much better than many other things she had to eat or drink to survive.

“What is your purpose, mister?”

She felt the man’s eyes on her as he got up and removed his blanket to put it on her.

“Don’t you need it as much as I do?” she coughed and he shook his head.

“I do, but that’s my purpose on this earth. To make sure that young people like you get a chance to change the world that we, the old ones, failed to save.”

***

Rey woke up all sweaty and panting. It was pitch-black outside and had it not been for the lamp she had left turned on, she would have believed that she had turned blind. She rubbed her eyes yawning, then run her fingers through her hair. The roots were wet and slightly greasy, which she wouldn’t have minded before. But now she had to be ‘decent’ and ‘presentable’, which was not that bad of an idea, but still rather stressful. At least with her new haircut, it took less time for her hair to dry out.

Sighing, she got out of the bed and went to the bathroom. She filled the tub with water, then got inside feeling each muscle slowly relax.

_ Rey… _

She took the shampoo bottle and poured some in her palm, then started massaging her scalp. How would her life have turned out like had she lived like a normal person? Two weeks in that cabin and it was as if she had lived there her entire life. Sometimes she even forgot that it wasn’t her home and that it would never be. She had no home, no family, no identity… she was nobody. Whether she died executed officially or stabbed with that pair of scissors by that old man, no one would miss her. No one would know she existed, that there was once a girl called Rey. Not named. Called. Because she didn’t even own a name.

_ Rey… _

That was not her name. 

_ Rey… _

She opened her eyes and furrowed. Was someone calling her?

_ Rey… _

_ Oh, no! _ she grunted. Now that she was fully awake, she remembered. She had lied to Ben that she had chores to do, but once of his bedroom, she retired and hers and cried until she fell asleep. She had completely forgotten about his meal, medicine and anything else he might have needed.

She quickly rinsed her hair and wiped her body with one of those heavenly towels, then put on a nightgown and stormed outside. 

“Rey.”

She stopped once she heard her name. She let go of the doorknob and looked behind her, where Ben was sitting on her bed, waiting for her. He had probably waited for her and called her the entire evening. Touching her still throbbing cheek, she kneeled in front of him and touched his knee.

“I’m so sorry. I fell asleep and I… umm… Are you hungry? You must need your medicine.”

“Leftovers,” he almost whispered. So he had eaten on his own. His pyjama top did have some stains. Perhaps he had taken his medicine as well… on his own. If the old man found out, he would-

“Take,” he opened his palm and she noticed the mini-fruit tart.

Rey took the dessert without taking her eyes off Ben. He had a lost gaze and given that his speech didn’t improve after his afternoon sleep, he was sure not feeling exactly fine. What was the point of that doctor coming if his methods only made him feel worse?

“Bored,” he complained and Rey smiled, although her cheek was hurting.

“Yeah, same, but it’s not like we’ve got many things to do. Do you want me to take you back and turn on the TV.”

He shook his head.

“Then… would you like to stay here with me? I can’t do much to entertain you, but I know some stories. Do you know the legend of The One Who Flies?”

Ben raised an eyebrow and she laughed getting up to sit next to him. She took his hand, looking pensively at his new elastic wrap bandages, which allowed his fingers to move more freely, then started tracing lines on his skin and drawing stars with the tips of her finger. 

“The One Who Flies is a tormented spirit, born from unrequited love. He lives among the stars, adopted by the Sun and the Moon. Each night, he chooses the house of an unmarried girl or unhappy young wife and sneaks into her chamber to teach her the ways of the truest and purest love. He seduces her with kind words and promises of eternal love until the girl’s eyelids become heavy and she falls asleep. But not completely asleep as she can still hear his voice singing to her the ballad of The One Who Flies. He soothes her worries with his tale. His mother, Zenythe, was once the daughter of the almighty Sky Lord, but she fell for a mere human man. She defied her father and let herself fall on earth, carried by the feathers of a silver swan. Her father tried to pull her back, but she wept and promised that she would bury herself into the ground and give birth to lilies and roses that would cover the dry lands. Once her father agreed, granting her one year to prove to him that their love could defy the laws of gods and men, she went to find her beloved human, leaving petals wherever she stepped foot until she found the fountain with the purest water. She sat by the fountain, knowing that one day he would come too. And he did. The prince had been lost, wandering for months until he found the petals turned into stones. They led him to the fountain and to Zenythe, bathed him in rainwater and fed him the milk of her breasts. He promised her a place by his side as his queen and she promised him the empire of the sky. He promised her gold and precious stones and she promised him every star he could see. However, time was running up and her petals turned stones were now turning into sand. The Sky Lord was also calling his daughter back, but the poor thing had forgotten long ago about the deal, so she kept ignoring his pleas until he got angry and ordered the winds to bring her back and cast away the prince. The prince wandered once again until he reached his palace. He asked his men to look for Zenythe and his advisors to search every book for information that could help him get her back. But Zenythe had other things to worry about… her children. She gave birth to twins, one girl and one boy, and they were her joy, but she didn’t want them to be kept away from their father, so she once again begged and pleaded her father. She had proven that the love between a human and a celestial was possible, so her father had to free her and let her find her prince. So, the Sky Lord agreed once more, but with one condition. The boy had to stay in the empire of the sky, while the girl could come with her as proof of what their love had accomplished. Carrying her infant daughter, Zenythe travelled to the palace and found a dry garden. In the middle of it, there was a silver fountain, just like the one she had sat by while waiting for him. Believing that it was his way of showing that his heart was hers and only hers, Zenythe sat there and waited for him until she found out that the prince had been hurt in a battle and was lying in his chamber. Knowing that she could heal him, she snuck into his chamber and with the tears of her infant daughter, she healed him. When the prince woke up, he mistook her an angel coming to take his soul to heaven and the poor foolish Zenythe misinterpreted his words, believing that he was ready to renounce his human life and join her and their children in the empire of the sky. She was ready to call the winds to take them when he begged her for rainwater like the one she had bathed him in. So she went outside and called the clouds. The entire kingdom was celebrating the return of the rain and even the prince ran outside to feel it on his own skin. With his body healed and his mind clear, he saw Zenythe and remembered her. They hugged and she told him how happy she was. She reminded him that she was there to take him with her and she showed him their daughter. However, the prince was not happy and she couldn’t understand why. He told her that it was only fair to be honest with her after saving him and saving his kingdom from drought. After their separation, he had indeed searched for her, but in vain. Instead, he had found his once lost childhood love and as time passed, he had grown to love her again and forget Zenythe, believing that she had been nothing but a spirit guiding him home and on his way to his beloved queen. Yes, he was now king and she was his queen. He had no need for Zenythe’s promises of empires in the sky, nor he had for a daughter, as his wife was already giving birth to a son and heir. But he promised he would compensate Zenythe with a velvet pouch full of precious stones, as long as she stayed far away from his newly founded family, but close enough to reach her when he needed her help. As expected, Zenythe’s heart was broken and her mind was clouded with rage. The rain turned into a terrifying stone and she cursed him to feel the same pain she did, the same hopelessness and to see everything he loved the most being shattered into millions of pieces. As she commanded the skies to give his lands all the rain, flooding the houses of his subjects and destroying his crops, the king’s human son and heir was born but died before his mother got to hold him. Upon hearing this, the king grabbed Zenythe and drowned her in the fountain. Once the storm stopped and in the garden started growing and blooming lilies and roses, he knew that she was finally dead. He covered the fountain, leaving her body there and took his daughter, put her in the crib of the dead prince and raised her as a human. The Sky Lord, who had seen everything, decided to abandon all humankind and to banish his grandchildren as well. He let the girl grow up among humans and the boy to be raised by the Sun and the Moon. But whereas the girl never got to learn her true identity, The One Who Flew did. So after he finished telling his ballad, the human girl woke up craving his love. And he would give her his love as long as the Moon was on the sky, promising the girl that he would also give her all the stars she could see and a place by his side as the rightful heir of the empire of the sky. But as soon as the Sun rose, he was already on his way back home, leaving the girl madly in love and obsessed with the idea of finding him, just like his mother once was. Because that was his purpose - to curse all human girls to suffer his mother’s fate and break hearts on their own by rejecting the mere human men.”

Once Rey stopped and let herself catch her breath, Ben tilted his head and smirked. He had studied literature and used to have an always expanding collection of books in what was now only a pile of scorched ruins. His stray cat’s legend was in none of those now lost books. In fact, he could have sworn that he had managed to identify at least ten original stories and legends that had helped compose that mess he had just listened to. He had even wanted to stop her after the early introduction of The One Who Flew and tell her how he was in no way different than any other terrible human man she could encounter, but her excitement and fascination for that utter abomination had left  _ him  _ absorbed by the movement of her lips and the twinkle in her eyes. Somehow, he just simply couldn’t take his eyes off of her smile and freckles.

“So? What do you think?”

He flinched and finally looked at her and the odd olive-hazel colour of her eyes. What did he think about her story? Ironically, it was quite fascinating, because despite being a collage of many other stories, it was unique… and he had heard it before. Hell! He even knew the rest of it as it was once told by his fellow classmates at the academy. Now his question for the little stray cat was: where did  _ she  _ know it from?

***

“Look who is doing so much better! Good morning, Kylo Ren!”

Ben lifted his gaze and smiled politely at Hux, ignoring the irony his voice. The man approached him and threw the package on the bed. Ben took it, glad that the wrapping paper had already been cut on one side, and pulled out the books.

“I can understand that some prefer the old school methods, so I can understand some of your choices, but may I please know why you sent me so early in the morning to get you books for  _ preschoolers _ ?”

It seemed that Hux had forgotten about the class and rank differences between them, but oddly, Ben didn’t care in that moment. He opened one of the books and touched the page, gasping at the pleasant texture of the paper. Hux needn’t know about his passion for calligraphy or… his actual intentions.

“I need them for my hands,” he spoke slowly. Once his body rested, the headache dimmed and his blood pressure returned to some decent values, his speech also returned, though without the trace of the progress he had accomplished in those weeks of seclusion.

Biting his lip, he furrowed.

“I also asked you to not bring anyone here or at least not without my permission. Why was Pryde here?”

“He is now the face of the First Order and while I’m doing the behind the scenes work, he’s the one representing us and fighting the Resistance face to f-“

“He wants to replace me!” snapped Kylo Ren and Hux took a step back.

“But he’s advocating for your return. He is worried about you!”

“He might be worried because my early death would cause him the loss of any chance of stealing the power over the Union, but otherwise… I don’t want him near me, Hux. I insist. No one can come here without my approval. It’s my private estate after all and as the sole survivor of the attack, I enjoy protection. Now please respect my condition  _ and _ conditions.”

Hux pursed his lips and nodded.

“Fine, Sir. Do you need anything else?”

“In fact, yes. I want to go outside.”

“Bu-but, Sir!” opposed the man, appalled. “What about the girl?”

“What can such a fragile girl do against our men?” He sighed nonchalantly. “She has no candlesticks or bombs with her. Besides, she would-”

He stopped himself before saying anything that would insult her. She was not there at the moment, but that didn’t change the odd feeling inside his chest. Each time he forgot about the circumstances of their first meeting and later ‘partnership’, he was actually seeing her as… well, not exactly a friend. He had no friends. But maybe as someone who could stay in his life even after his full recovery and return as the Supreme Leader.

“I’ll call you,” he concluded and Hux nodded once again before leaving. Once Hux was gone, he counted to 160 and stopped and waited. One knock. He smiled and gave her permission to enter.

“Good morning, Sir.”

Not that ‘sir’ wasn’t making him feel nice, but he didn’t like her tone. She was too polite, too shy and without any trace of arrogance. She didn’t seem upset anymore, so he couldn’t understand her sudden attitude. Also, what was with those clothes? He had been used to uniforms his entire life, so seeing her in those floral patterned and bright clothes had been as if the sun was touching his skin even in isolation. But now she was wearing loose overalls and an ugly blue shirt. He said nothing as he didn’t want to make her feel bad about her choice, but he couldn’t help grimacing her haircut. It was her hair and it was her choice, but the haircut was too mature and messy in an ugly way for such a young pretty girl.

“You can call me Ben,” he reminded her.

“I’d rather call yo-”

“I know. You’ve told me.”

Not even once did she lift her gaze. Ben narrowed his eyes and looked at her small hands as she put the tray on the bed, and waited for her to come closer.

“Thank you for last night,” he said as she gave him his tea. She nodded politely, then took the plate and a fork.

“Sorry,” she murmured. “I had no idea what to bring you and I just put some vegetables and cheese and fruit. The bread is fresh, tho.”

“It’s fine. I’m not that hungry anyway.”

He took a cherry tomato and put it in his mouth, glad that the new bandages were less restrictive in terms of movements. However, he didn’t expect it to be that juicy and soon his chin, chest and pyjamas were covered in tomato juice and seeds.

“Well,” he laughed. “There go my chances of impressing you.”

Rey giggles shyly and wiped the seeds, then her hand lingered at his mouth.

“Your beard is growing.”

Her thumb slipped on his bottom lip and she kept looking at it until she felt the need to swallow the saliva in her mouth. She was a fool to even consider daydreaming. She had wasted too much time using daydreams and hopes as drugs or anaesthetics. They never brought anything except for more heartbreak and disappointment.

She cleared her throat and took a slice of red bell pepper.

“I can’t eat raw bell peppers.”

“Oh,” she whispered trying to keep herself from asking him why. Instead, she put the pepper back and tore a piece of bread.

“Where did you hear that story from?” he said chewing the tomato, then opened his mouth for the bread.

“Umm… I don’t know. From one of the people on the streets, I guess.”

“Young or old?”

“I honestly don’t remember,” she shrugged. “But I’ll tell you if I ever do.”

There was something in her voice that was giving away a certain turmoil and he didn’t like it at all. He could even swear that her hands were shaking each time she picked something to feed him. 

“Rey, what happened yesterday?” he asked and she dropped the mozzarella ball, letting it roll until it touched her very uncomfortable overalls. She gulped knowing that he would not believe her just as he didn’t believe her about the attack. Or worse. He would tell her that she deserved it and to await for worse treatment.

“Rey,” he put his hand over hers, stopping her from taking the mozzarella ball. “Please. What did he do to you?”

Her eyes filled up with tears and she lowered her gaze. Although life on the streets had never been easy, at least she had always been able to defend herself there with the help of her skills or of other people like her. But ever since she got there, she had slowly and foolishly got used to that house and to the routine. It almost felt like home and it made her feel safe, despite the imminent threat that Ben’s condition dictated her fate. 

“He cut your hair,” he remarked on a grave tone and Rey nodded. “What else, Rey?”

She quickly wiped the tear in the corner of her eye and sniffed licking her lips.

“He made me feel like an animal. He made me undress and forbade me from wearing anything but this uniform the other man brought.”

Ben’s lips thinned in a firm line and his gaze darkened. Rey was ready for his shower of cruel words anytime soon, so she held her breath for a few moments, focusing on his stubble. But his answer never came and the pressure made her snap.

“ _ This _ is not how I’ve imagine my life,” she cried. “I hoped to have a place where to live. A single room with peach coloured curtains and a rocking chair and a bed. I wanted a warm shower and clothes and a small kitchen where I could finally learn to cook and… Oh, Lord! Books! I want to read and to learn and be like anyone else! And you gave me some of these, but I am a prisoner and I have to pay for something I didn’t do, but at the same time also for something I did do. Because not a single day passes without regretting what I’ve done to you and I feel so guilty because I’ve almost killed and you gave me all of these and I don’t deserve them. Maybe you should have killed me or-or sent me to jail. At least there I wouldn’t have felt to alone. Maybe I would have been in danger, but I would have been aware of it. Here I was feeling so safe and then that man came and… and…”

After she finished confessing her feelings, her chest was feeling slightly lighter and Ben seemed more like her friend rather than her jailer. His big eyes were soft and his lips were parted. There was nothing that could assure her he was going to laugh or mock her pain. In fact, she saw compassion, perhaps empathy. Little did she know that she was not that far from the truth.

_ This is not how it was meant to be! I’ve never wanted this!  _

_ It was a matter of time, my boy. They’ve blamed you and pressured you until you couldn’t take it anymore. It’s their fault and now they won’t ever take you back. Stay here with me and be my heir.  _

Ben exhaled after having held his breath. Snoke’s fingers seemed so vivid on his skin, even years after his fall to the dark side and so long after his death. If he was to die and allow Pryde to take his place, what would happen to Rey?

“Look,” he cleared his throat. “I can’t promise you much or help you with how you feel, but he is never ever going to set foot in here. As long as I live, you’re safe from him.”

_ As long as he lived? _ What was that supposed to mean? Was his condition indeed that bad?

“Also, you can wear whatever you want. I agree with not calling me Ben in front of Hux, but in what concerns me, you ca-”

“Do you have a family?”

His eyes grew wider and his jaw almost dropped. He had sure never expected that question to ever come up from her mouth. How much did she know? If she was indeed a puppet of the Resistance, then she must have heard rumours… What if she accidentally said something in front of Hux or Pryde? Then he would be dead and she would be in a far worse situation.

“I had one,” he smiled miserably. “And then I didn’t. Why?”

Rey shrugged, playing with the mozzarella ball between her fingers as the other hand was still covered by his.

“You were all alone all this time?”

It was time for Ben’s eyes to become watery.

“Still am. Always have been. So you see, my little cat? We’re not that different after all.”

“Indeed,” she murmured throwing the mozzarella ball on the tray and putting her own hand over his and silently inviting him to use his other hand as well, forming a tower. “We make quite a team.”

“I wouldn’t call us a team, but maybe I can be your teacher.”

_ Teacher _ ? she looked at him in confusion.

Ben let go of her hands and took the books. He put aside some of the volumes he had ordered for himself, leaving only the colourful ones.

“You said you know how to read some words, but I think it’s time you learnt everything, including how to write.”

Rey stared at the shiny cover and the little mouse holding a pencil, then at Ben. Hesitating, she took the book and opened it. She was finally going to learn to read and write!

“Why?” she cried.

“Any underprivileged person is proof that a system has failed its citizens. When I launched that programme, you were probably on the streets for more than ten years. However, it should still have helped you. Any person has a role in society and keeping people poor and uneducated is only a waste of potential. So as you’re helping me recover, I’m going to help you discover yourself and your potential.”

That was Kylo Ren, the murderous snake responsible for the death of many people and the nightmare of many others. He was ruthless, cruel, and dangerous… and yet he was willing to teach a stray cat, as he called her, to read and write and discover the world. He was giving her a chance out of some code of honour and sense of duty she couldn’t understand.

“Thank you,” she whispered overwhelmed by the contradicting thoughts and emotions. “You’re a good man.”

Ben gasped. A good man? He was far from that. He was only doing his duty and also trying to get her to confess, but before he got the chance to contradict her and remind her of how much of a monster he was, Rey leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Her lips lingered on his sensitive skin and only stopped when she realised that the stubble was both tickling her and bothering her. But now that her lips were no longer pressed against his skin, she was so close and he could see how curled her eyelashes were. She had a tiny scar on her cheek, but it was barely visible among all those adorable freckles. The Resistance had truly reached its lowest if it had dared take advantage of such a poor yet beautiful soul.

“Thank you,” she repeated, pulling him out of his reverie. She straightened her back and looked at the plate, deciding what to feed him further. However, Ben didn’t want her to go back. He barely fought the urge to hug her and hold her close and he couldn’t understand what was that and why was he feeling like that. He had never felt such thing for anyone else, not ever Kory, whose image and memory were already fading away as if she had been nothing but an illusion… which was not that far from the truth.

“Ben?” he flinched hearing Rey’s voice. She was feeding him some cucumber and some yellowish cheese, which was probably going to be very salty. “Come on. Eat!” she encouraged him with an excited smile on her face. “If you eat faster, we have more time to study.”

“Yes,” he nodded suddenly sharing her excitement. “We do.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a reference to the song 'Wave' by Hugar and Arnór Dan (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmHknr66WBw)


	7. Can I recreate an anchor?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing the previous chapter, Rey finally got her teacher and Ben got to explore some of his thoughts and worries.

“Swan.”

“Swoon.”

“Soon.”

Ben shook his head giggling as Rey crossed her arms, officially capitulating. She had made so much progress in such a short time that Ben was beginning to wonder whether he was indeed a great teacher or if the girl was just a smart cookie. He was proud of her and their accomplishments, even though she refused to see them, always willing to point out her own failures. It was funny and also rather frustrating, but now he could see himself in her even more, especially during his darkest childhood moments and his years at the academy. He was a great student and it was so much pride to be one of the few elite students carrying on the legacy of the Royal Jedi Corps and he almost loved it for a while until… It was pointless to even waste time trying to find to the moment when all went wrong. But perhaps the safes assumption was his own birth. That was when it went wrong. Everything else was just a bump in the paved road to his downfall.

“You know when you asked me what was my biggest regret or sin or something like that?”

Rey stopped alternating between biting her lip and the eraser of her pencil and looked at Ben. His gaze seemed lost, but he was furrowing every now and then as if tortured by thoughts.

“Yeah,” she said slightly confused until she remembered her own words, “you told me that you regret becoming this.”

“I said it because I have too many regrets to name just one. I’ve done dreadful things and if the first ones were not my choice, all that followed were things I agreed to do out of… I don’t know. Pettiness? Stupidity? I was so sick and tired of trying to prove my innocence that I snapped and I became what everyone thought I already was.”

“But you regret it.”

She said it with such seriousity that it almost didn’t sound like her. Instead, it was the voice of that last droplet of consciousness left alive in his sick mind.

“Not a moment goes by without blaming and hating myself,” he said bitterly, wishing that his glass of milk was one of bourbon. 

“So what are you going to do about it?”

Confused, Ben raised an eyebrow.

“Are you going to mourn your older self until the end of time or do something about it and make up for your mistakes?”

“I don’t know if I can make it. There’s too much blood on my hands. I wish I could say that I only gave orders and the only people I killed with my own hands were… let’s say ‘acquaintances’, but it doesn’t help.”

“Own it, then forgive yourself, but don’t just feel sorry for yourself. Even if you had your reasons, just own it and admit that it wasn’t the right way to deal with your problems.”

Ben chuckled. Maybe her frustration had given her a bad mood, but he liked this mature side of his little stray cat. He liked all the sides he had managed to see. The innocent and inexperienced adolescent., the vulnerable one, the caregiver, the curious cat, the laid back spring flower, the conscious student, the ingenue flirter… and the omnipresent believer. Even when she was harsh with him, she was still a believer, who had more faith in him than he had ever had.

“You’re saying it as if you don’t see me as a monster. Because I  _ am  _ a monster, Rey.”

“And what do you suggest, Ben?” she laid back in her chair. “I see you’re trying to get to a point, but you keep stalling.”

He imitated her and laid back in his own chair.

“What would you do?” he asked her trying to suppress the conflict inside him. “Hm, Rey? What would you do if you were the heir of two madmen and your family hated you, firstly without a reason and then rightfully because they all f-”

He stopped and inhaled deeply. 

“I’m not you,” she spoke calmly. “I don’t even know you.”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed.

“But as I said, maybe you should do something about it.” She returned to her book. “Nun.”

“Noon.”

“And nun as in N-U-N is when you want to say nobody?”

“That’s none. N-O-N-E.” He chuckled again as she bit her pencil. He wanted to touch the creases on her forehead and to feel her face. She somehow reminded him of a juicy peach.

“Do we have ice-cream?” he asked already imagining a large bowl of vanilla ice-cream with slices of peach and maybe some cream on top.

“Mmmno,” she murmured still concentrated on her words. “The child bite the dog?”

Ben snorted.

“The child beat the dog. You mistook beat for the past tense of bite, which is bit. B-I-T.”

“Which are both equally wrong.” Rey buried her face in her hands and let out a groan. “How does this make any sense?”

“Homophones and synophones and stuff like that. I can’t really remember the actual terms, but I guess that we won’t really have to go through them, unless you want to.”

“Oh, please don’t! Or at least not in the near future.” She chewed the inside of her cheek, then she got up. “Do you fancy a snack?” she said on a posh voice and Ben smiled, making her feel warmer than the sun did in that lovely patio. It was amazing that she was finally allowed to go outside and breathe fresh air. The cabin was comfortable and everything, but there weren’t too many things to do and it was starting to get suffocating going through that routine over and over again. Ben was doing better too, now that he was moving around freely, though with the occasional help of his cane. He was a great teacher too, despite lacking the sweetness of those teachers she used to spy on during lessons in open air. But was it even worth having any expectations from someone like him?

She squeezed the pack of lemon cookies until she heard them crumble. He had been so nice to her lately, teaching her how to read and write, also being rather patient and friendly. However, she knew that she couldn’t trust him completely. Just because she had decided to postpone any plans of trying to escape, it didn’t make him less of a maniac murderer. In fact, if he already made the huge step of allowing her to go outside, maybe it was only a matter of time until they would go out and then… She looked at the dull cutlery, then sighed. His men had caught her with only a rather unclear photo and some questions asked to the right people. Now that they knew about her, she stood no chance, unless she had someone by her side, willing to help her in exchange of getting rid of the future tyrant. However, she knew no one and even though that Hux guy seemed more than unhappy and discontent with her presence there, he had made it clear that his intentions regarding her were more radical.

“We have some lemon cookies and croissants,” she said on a fake cheerful tone but she immediately realised that she had exaggerated as his gaze felt like a thousands of flames scorching her skin.

“Thank you.” 

His voice was now cold as ice.

How could someone be so intriguing yet so frustrating at the same time?

“Tell me about you,” she found herself saying. 

“Is my personal life going to help you with your reading?”

“Maybe with my writing skills. I could write about you.”

Ben snorted, then licked his lips as he took a pencil and started playing with it.

“Once upon a time, there was a prince without a throne. He was sent away to become a knight at least, but when the rest of the knights died, including their master, the blame was put on our prince. The poor prince was desperate and terrified, but then came the powerful wizard to rescue him. Little did he know that the wizard was only using him. However, they both got what they deserved. Happy now?”

After her initial discontent with his arrogant tone, Rey took her time to analyse the sadness in his eyes and the meaning behind his mock fairytale. Ignoring his questions, she asked another one.

“Are you religious?”

He tilted his head and lowered his gaze, looking at her notes. Her calligraphy was terrible but she had insisted on not giving up on cursive. She was a tough one.

“Ben?” she finally showed him a genuine smile, which was most likely a normal response to his own, although rather a bitter one.

“No. Not really. I respect other people’s faiths and beliefs, but I don’t really believe in anything anymore. Why?”

Rey stretched out her hand and gently brushed her finger against the velvety petals of a scarlet rose. The gazebo was surrounded by hundreds of them making their way through the trellis.

“I can’t say that I’m religious either. I’ve rather just listened to priests and considered joining a nunnery until I realized the comfort was not worth the seclusion.”

Ben smirked understanding that she was referencing her current situation, then he chewed on his bottom lip. It was not the first time she was mentioning that she prefered freedom to comfort.

“Continue, please,” he added, taking a blank sheet of paper and proceeding to draw. His dexterity was still a mess, though not as nonexistent as before. He started drawing that adorable nose of hers, going down with the lines and curves to shape those lips that were still making him gulp each time he saw her. Her neck followed and so did her shoulders, making him realise how much he wanted to touch her neck and gently squeeze her shoulders and perhaps kiss them while she kept on admiring his roses.

“I once listened to one of those speeches.”

“Sermons?”

“I guess,” she shrugged. “I was there because it was so hot outside and they had food and lemonade inside.”

Ben laughed and Rey furrowed.

“What’s so funny?”

“You,” he admitted. “It’s always about food when it comes to you and your… adventures.”

“This is said by someone who never had to endure hunger,” she crossed her hands right before he got to finish drawing her fingers.

“Ok, I apologize. Please continue and can you also put your hand where it used to be before?”

Rather reluctant, Rey looked at the roses and found the one she touched before. It was perhaps the largest and it had many thorns to guard those lovely petals. 

“As I was saying,” she murmured, “the… umm… priest, I guess, was talking about how we should always be grateful for what we have. We are supposed to be thankful and not anger God as God had his reasons why our lives are the way they are. And for a while, I agreed. My life could have been worse. I could have been abused, suffered from an illness or disease or have people depend on me. But I was rather safe and protected by my fellow strays, have been quite healthy except for a few bad colds and stomach aches… and those bleedings, and I don’t have any children I should care after. However, I do think that it’s not fine to think like that. I understand that greed is bad. I mean… don’t  _ I _ know it?” she chuckled referring once again to her current situation. “But I think we are supposed to progress and get over our condition.” She massaged her shoulder as the position was getting rather uncomfortable. “What do you say, Ben?”

“Hm?”

“Am I a bad person for wanting more from my life?”

“As long as you don’t hit people in the head with candlesticks…”

She gasped and turned quickly to look at him. He was still focused at whatever he was doing and the discrepancy between his incriminating, although true, words and his serene face was making her uncomfortable. She couldn’t deal much more with those mood swings and the stress coming from the random reminders of what she had done.

“What are you even doing?”

Despite Ben’s protests, she snatched the sheet of paper and looked at the drawing. Her lips parted in surprise. It was far from perfect and the lines were rather crooked but it was her and she was beautiful. Was it his talent, her good angle or the way he saw her?

“I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted more,” he finally answered. “I’ve always seen myself as simply wanting what’s rightfully mine.”

What was he implying?

Not taking her eyes off of him, Rey took her bottle of grape juice, which was supposed to be less cold now, and took a large sip.

“What?” she asked an again amused Ben, after putting down her juice.

“Your lips are purple.”

She quickly wiped her lips with the back of her hand, until a disapproving Ben convinced her to use a napkin. It was no point in pretending that she was already as educated as him, especially considering that he sure had been tutored by the best teachers or masters.

She furrowed again and looked at him with an impassive gaze.

“Hey, Ben… Are you really a prince?”

His eyes grew wider in surprise, then he avoided her gaze, looking somewhere in the distance, perhaps at the tall gate and fence surrounding the property.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he smirked. “Now let’s go back to our lesson. The snack break is over.”

***


	8. In the darkest depths of memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets to explore Ben's past as Kylo Ren and his lips

***

If he had been lucky enough to not be in the mansion when it exploded, he wasn’t sure about surviving Kylo Ren’s little obsession with that girl. He kept blaming it on the head injury, trauma and the sudden loss of his fiancee, but he was already too permissive with that girl. Pryde had ordered her to act only as his nurse and maid, but she was now once again in the clothes he had bought and sipping juice while giggling and acting as if Kylo Ren weren’t her victim and the man who could order her execution at any given time. She was either incredibly stupid to be that defiant after that slap or the slyest and most manipulative woman he had ever met.

“Excuse me for interrupting,” he stood straight and with a cold gaze. The girl stopped giggling and lowered her head, while Kylo Ren smiled turned into an arrogant rictus. 

“Hello, Hux. Care to join us?”

Hux coughed, clearing his throat, and shook his head.

“I’m afraid I’m here only to deliver you your piano and some boxes.”

Curious, Rey raised her head but Ben immediately looked at her with disapproval. They had been completely reckless and even though Hux seemed now less menacing than the other man, it didn’t mean that he couldn’t report what he saw.

“What boxes? I haven’t asked for anything else.”

Hux hesitated, taking a glimpse at the girl, then he sighed. If Kylo Ren had no intention in protecting his privacy, then he had no reason to do it.

“Your fiancee’s belongings. Given her death, her landlord called to come to pick up her belongings. It’s not much, but as your fiancee-”

“It’s fine,” said Ben getting up. “Take them inside.”

His voice was void of any emotion and for a moment, both Hux and Rey exchanged glances. That state of calm was probably his way of grieving.

“Let’s go on a walk,” he ordered and Rey got up immediately and ran to him. She looked back at Hux going to the main gate and opening them with something that looked like a remote control. Perhaps if she were fast enough, she could run and escape before any of them could notice. But they would manage to catch her anyway and nothing could assure her that she would enjoy the same treatment and liberties.

Turning her head from the gates, Rey swallowed her whimper just before Ben took her hand. It was not a gesture to show who’s in control or to dominate her in that moment. It was simply a need for human touch and comfort.

“Don’t worry,” he said panting as they reached a small greenhouse. As if sensing her distrust, he continued. “Hux will keep his mouth shut about today and, after all, I’m the one in charge. I give the orders.”

“Are you sure?”

It was more than obvious that her question was not referring to her security, but his influence. Ben stopped before entering the greenhouse and parted his lips. His gaze was rather innocent and for a moment, Rey was sure that he was afraid of something.

“My father used to tell me that the only sure thing in this life is the imminent death.”

“Your father was a wise man.”

Ben bit his lip. Han Solo had been a fool, but she was right. He had had many moments of wisdom. Too bad they were never going to meet again.

“Anyway,” he shrugged. “These are some of my favourite plants. I had them brought here from my grandmother’s country. Unfortunately, I’ve abandoned them and some are dead, but most of them are just overgrown and need to be trimmed and tended. I know that you have no experience, but during the hours when I’m with Hux or working or even just sleeping, you could come here.”

He watched her step carefully between the many ceramic pots, admiring the gigantic leaves of some plants he had previously seen only in the life-size painting of his maternal grandmother found in the foyer of the academy. Given that it was destroyed with the entire academy, he had to rely on his memory and drawing skills to get someone to identify it and bring it to him. The surprise came when he found that the plant was bearing her name.  _ Padme Amidala _ . 

“Yes!” she finally smiled, excited. “I’m afraid I might kill some more plants, but I’ll try my best. Especially now that I can read quite decently and can differentiate between fertilizer and weed killer,’ she giggled pointing at the bags lying under a table.

“Great,” nodded Ben, also knowing that there were no poisonous plants in there. “There are more seeds and I think some plants have sprouts you could plant outside. This place could use some life.”

“Are you planning to move here for good?” she asked unsure why that feeling inside her chest was supposed to mean.

“Once I get better, I’ll be more focused on getting my life on tracks and then-”

“Rule the country and the union.”

“Yes,” he licked his lips. “However, despite those dreadful days spent strictly inside, this place grew on me again and maybe I can come here when I want to escape my responsibilities and the Supreme Leader title. Or who knows? Maybe one day I will have a family again and have children. The village outside my property is really peaceful and the community is fascinating.”

The way he spoke was so calm and serene that Rey could almost imagine that future. However, she saw herself in that future too. Tending the garden, waiting for him to come and share meals together, laugh together, take a stroll in that village he mentioned and even raise his children. Or  _ their  _ children? She looked at him while he smelt the leaf of a plant. It must have had a nice aroma given that he smiled and closed his eyes, drawing her attention to those beautiful long eyelashes. But as she was letting herself seduced by foolish dreams, something else was forcing her to face reality.

“Who is Kylo Ren?” 

Ben opened his eyes and looked at her with an innocent gaze before smirking.

“I am.”

“Then who is Ben.”

“Still me.”

“So you have two names?”

“More like two identities. The world knows me as Kylo Ren. Ben is my real name, but none of the people you’ve met here so far knows it.”

“So why me?” she took a step forward. “Why let me call you Ben?”

She didn’t know what she had expected him to say, but his answer did manage to hurt her.

“It was an accident. I said Ren and you understood Ben. It was a mere coincidence.”

“But you still allowed me to call you like this,” she insisted with her arms crossed at her chest. “Why?”

He rolled his eyes and chuckled rather exasperated.

“What do you want from me, Rey? I accepted because it felt good escaping the Kylo Ren image for a while. He used to be my escape and ended up being my own jailer. Being Ben made me feel less pressured. Now let’s go. Hux must have left by now.”

His tone was not harsh and she didn’t feel scolded, but the way he put an end to their conversation made her feel belittled and it reminded her once again that she meant nothing to him. And she hated herself for feeling like that. She was not supposed to care about him or want him to appreciate her. She had a mission to make sure that the tyrant was not going to make more people suffer… although the only one suffering was her poor heart and maybe her ego. She truly had no idea what to do.

“Wait!” she called and ran after him. 

“What?”

The way he stopped in the middle of the yard, with the wind blowing his curls and those plump lips parted, Rey knew that she had made a huge mistake in allowing him to make his way to her heart. She could never harm him even if it meant watching him return to his monstrous ways.

“Rey?”

“Nothing,” she smiled. “I just didn’t want you to go all the way to the house on your own.”

“How sweet of you,” he said with a blank face, then carried on, letting himself be pushed by the Erinyes. He stormed inside, glad that Hux was no longer there to bother him with any affairs. He needed some time alone to mourn. So he ignored the large piano sitting in the living room and the pain in his leg and kneeled in front of the many boxes, grabbing one and almost tearing it to pieces.

Clothes. Not the expensive dresses that burnt in the fire, but still fancy dresses and silky blouses still bearing her scent. And shoes she might have worn just before her death. Also, all of her jewellery was in that beautifully carved wooden box. The necklace he gave her once they officially became a couple, the rings he gave her after each anniversary during the first year of dating, the necklace he gave her for her birthday and many other accessories she had from before meeting him. The only thing missing was her engagement ring, but he was sure that there was nothing left out of it anyway.

“Do you remember when you asked me if I loved her?”

He hadn’t looked at Rey, but the sound made by her footsteps was equal to her small hands touching his back and massaging it until she felt brave enough to embrace him. Yet he couldn’t expect her to do this or be so intimate when minutes before she had a deadly pallor and was trembling at the sight of Hux. Instead, she kneeled next to him and took the jewellery box.

“You said you didn’t.”

“But for a long time I thought I did or at least I made myself believe this. She gave me the warmth and affection I needed after those dark years at the academy and the equally horrible first two years spent as Snoke’s apprentice. And yet I couldn’t love her because nothing was real. My entire life has been nothing but a series of poor decisions and as much as I hated being dragged in everyone’s mess, I ended up dragging others as well.” He took a large box tied with a pink ribbon and put it down before proceeding to untie it and open it. He took a look at the wedding dress and sighed, amused. “Poor thing didn’t love me either. She was as much of a fool as I was.”

“She didn’t?”

“She was an intern and Supreme Leader Snoke thought I might need some comfort, given that I was failing to fit in. With the promise of being the future Supreme Leader’s wife, of course, she accepted being my lover and all she had to do was seduce me and manipulate me for two years. And I let her… let him ”

Rey stopped analysing the white gold ring, gently caressing the two butterflies and the large blue stone they were holding. Ben had been so affected by her death that she would have never guessed that their relationship had been so empty. It made her feel conflicted and sad, though it was a different type of sadness. She was no longer upset about the two lovers being separated, but about the idea that one gets to wake up one day and realise that they had never been loved or in love.

“Ben,” she whispered his name as he took off his burn mask, “if you two had been for only two years together and before that, you’d been an apprentice for two years then…”

“Yes?”

“How many people have you killed?”

He snorted at her intrusive yet bold question and rubbed one of his eyes. 

“Are you asking me if I killed my fiancee?”

“No!” she raised her voice, appalled. “It’s just that… you are Kylo Ren and I remember people on the streets being afraid of Kylo Ren ever since I was a child.”

“Well,” he smirked, “that wasn’t me. But I did kill that man at Snoke’s orders. We duelled and I killed him with my sword. He was my first kill.”

Was that relief she was feeling? But he did mention that it was only his first  _ one  _ and people had been terrorised even before she was caught, so he was the one they were all afraid of.

“I can sense your conflict, my love,” he smiled but immediately turned serious once he realised how he referred to her and cleared his throat, “my lovely stray cat.” It wasn’t any better and he couldn’t get himself to look at her. “Anyway, I felt no remorse. He and I… We had history. Once it happened, I didn’t feel any remorse for anyone else.”

“Not for the parents and the children?”

“The only child I killed had a bomb around his waist. I tried to convince him to let me defuse it, but he was too brainwashed. I had to shoot him in the shoulder.”

“He died from the wound or was he executed?”

“Neither,” he whimpered still remembering the child’s face. “The shot ended up being a mere graze. He blew up the building. I’d tried to evacuate it, but, regardless, there were many victims. You see? The Resistance claims to be so pure and correct in anything they do, but they refuse to acknowledge their own merciless conspirators. The men and women your friends saw me kill? Terrorists plotting to send their children inside the First Order academies or war criminals hiding in the families of the same people they had killed. I’m not a good man, Rey, but I’ve never claimed to be one, nor have I killed someone just for the art of it. I am not responsible for the abuses of some of my peers as I’ve never learnt about them but I do intend to stop them once I become the Supreme Leader.”

“I don’t understand,” she furrowed, overwhelmed by all the information. “If you’re trying to bring balance, then why this war between The First Order and The Resistance? Why don’t they let you rule?”

“Because I killed their hero. It was during the civil war in one of the member countries of The Union. He just happened to be there and… we were talking but the others thought he was pointing his gun at me. They shot him and I should have done something. He could have been saved but I knew he would be caught and that Snoke himself would order his torture and execution, so I killed him. I shot him in the heart. The same heart that loved me for years and broke when he saw me serve someone like Snoke.” He watched Rey tilt her head and her expression change and lips part as he said the words. “He was my father. I killed my own father.”

She didn’t say anything, perhaps stuck in a state of shock.

“So you see, my little stray cat? Can we really judge Kory for not loving me? I am a monster,” he snarled touching his burnt face. “And now my face matches my soul.”

“I don’t think you’re a monster.”

He turned to look at her and furrowed. Was she insane or was she under the influence of gratitude? Just because he had promised to protect her, taught her how to read and write and gave her his garden to look after, it didn’t mean that he wanted her to be a brainwashed puppy like Kory. 

“Do you, little stray cat?” He initially intended to mock her but ended up sounding miserable as if begging for some pity. “So would you love someone like me? Would you at least  _ kiss  _ someone like me without hating yourself?”

It was meant to be a rhetorical question she would refuse to answer. Yet his little stray cat pulled herself closer and put her sweaty palms on his face, forcing him to lower his mouth to hers. Once her lips pressed against his, it felt as if they melted. He quivered, giving in, and kissed her back, while Rey’s hands slipped on his chest. Fearing that she might leave, he wrapped his arms around her. Her silky tank top and his cotton long-sleeved T-shirt were almost bothering them. Ben’s hands slid up her body, devouring her mouth. Somehow, she had managed to awaken something in him. Was it his very soul?

“You can call yourself a monster if it makes you feel better,” she said after pushing him to catch her breath, “but to me, you are actually nice. However, if you keep calling me a stray cat, I will poison your food.”

***

Later that night, Rey blinked, wondering when her heart would stop feeling like that and her cheeks stop burning. She had been staring at the ceiling for hours, unable to keep herself from smiling or remembering his lips. She knew that she wouldn’t have stopped him, hadn’t they been surrounded by his dead fiancee’s belongings. Now that she knew his story, she was no longer feeling torn apart. He was not the purest or best man but maybe he was what the people needed… unless he’d been lying to her.

_ No!  _ She shook her head. He deserved a chance.

Pushing the duvet off her body, Rey snuck out of her bed and bedroom, tiptoeing downstairs. She looked at Kory’s boxes of belongings, then at the door. The jewellery must cost a fortune and the clothes were her size, so they could work as a perfect disguise, unlike her very pretty and practical, yet casual clothes from upstairs. Also, Kory had two boxes full of shoes of all sorts. The door was most likely open and given her experience, she didn’t need the main gate to get out. She could easily climb the fence and begin a new life! Well… only if that ankle monitor could vanish as well. 

“Rey?”

She jumped startled and covered her mouth. Why was she even covering her mouth? The person whose sleep she was trying to protect was a few steps away from her. Ben was now devouring a giant sandwich while sitting on the countertop. He took a sip out of a bottle, his sleepy puppy eyes making her feel guilty for her thoughts regarding her escape.

“What are you doing here?” she asked approaching him.

“I was hungry and I wanted to make sure that I can have a non-poisonous sandwich.”

He winked at her and she blushed, pushing her messy hair behind her ears. He was doing so much better and given his most recent offer, it was quite obvious that was no longer needing her as before. Though, he never did, considering his status and finances. He could have easily hired the best nurse in the entire Union.

“Do you want some?” 

She blinked confused, then nodded. Ben handed her his sandwich and she took it, hesitant. After their kiss, she asked him what were his plans for Kory’s things and he just told her to do whatever she wanted. He didn’t use those exact words, but she knew that he suggested taking some of them. So while he retired in his bedroom, without saying anything about the kiss, she took her time to sort everything out until he finally decided what to do with them. 

“It’s good,” she said with her mouth full.

“I’m quite good at making sandwiches. May I?”

Rey gave him back the rest of his sandwich and Ben took two more bites before giving it to her again and grabbing his bottle.

“Why are you awake?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she shrugged looking at his long legs. Lately, he had refused her help and preferred showering without her help. She was glad that he was in such a better state that he could do things on his own - they both got to evolve on their own, but now that she longer feared his return, she was fearing his abandonment.

She bit her lip. She did want to leave and be free again but she did want him to abandon her. It was not fair and it was messy.

“Are you ok?”

“I don’t know,” she whimpered. “Maybe I’m just tired.”

“Come here.”

Rey looked at his open arms and approached him, hesitant and a little bit excited. However, Ben put his palms on the counter and jumped off the countertop. He had been only stretching his arms and back, not inviting her for a comforting hug.

“My mom,” he said putting his thumbs on her temples, “used to massage me like this. Of course, I had nightmares that didn’t let me sleep, but it might help you with your sleeping troubles too.”

The girl pursed her lips and kept analysing - or was it admiring? - his eyes and eyelashes.

“It’s said that staring at someone for too long might cause that person to fall ill,” he chuckled.

“You’re pretty,” she murmured. Ben stopped and furrowed for a moment, then let his hands slid down on her neck. Rey tensed, believing that her remark had been an imprudence and that she had crossed the line for good. However, his fingers were now rubbing her nape, making her feel as if she was melting.

“You’re pretty too,” he smiled. “And I must thank you for your trust in me. It made me feel better than I would’ve expected.”

Her eyelids were getting heavier and her body lighter.

“Rey,” he called her name, licking his lips as she let out a muffled moan. “Why did you kiss me?”

“Because you needed to be kissed.”

Ben pursed his lips, not sure how to interpret her words.

“Why did  _ you  _ kiss me back?”

“Because I wanted to.”

“And do you want to now?”

His eyes met hers as if trying to reach her deepest thoughts through them. According to her tales, she had run away from men her entire life, not that it was a long life, so she wasn’t trying to seduce him on purpose. Maybe it was curiosity, given her age and lack of experience, but it wasn’t a good idea to take advantage of her. He could never love her and while he doubted that she would grow to love him as well, there was still a chance for her to risk the same tragic awakening he had. 

He let go of her nape and placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them, ready to send her to bed. But her lips were so tempting… He snuck his fingers under her chin, lifting it, then leaned in for a peck. Yet once she parted her lips for more, he gave in again. Her previous fruity flavour was gone and replaced by garlic sauce and spicy peppers from his sandwich. Her small breasts were also pushing into his chest, making him realise how much he wanted to lift her in his arms and put her on the countertop, without wasting any time by going upstairs. He was in the position to claim her body as both her jailer and as the more experienced one. He could make her scream his name knowing that every moan of hers was genuine and that she saw him only as Ben… but he wasn’t like that. The time spent in the hospital had changed him, making him realise again how lonely he was. He wondered whether in case he died, his mother would come to visit him one last time or leave him to die all alone. Perhaps that thought made him fight and kept him from dying. The fear that she would never come to see him and let him explain his version of the whole truth regarding the academy and his father’s death.

Gently pushing Rey, he looked at her flustered face. She didn’t deserve this. He could let her grow and take care of her or pluck her and throw her in a vase to enjoy her beauty even though it would only rush her death. No… maybe she was his prisoner, but he would not do anything to destroy her soul. The world needed souls like hers.

“I’m sorry,” she blabbered. “Did I do anything wrong?”

“Don’t worry, love. It’s just that it’s very late and I’d rather have you rested for tomorrow. You go sleep and I’ll clean here. Ok?”

She nodded and left the kitchen. Though, before reaching the stairs, she stopped and looked back at him. 

_ Love? _ she smirked. She liked how that word sounded.

***


	9. Running up that hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes Rey on a trip to the place where he was born and grew up.

“That part of the sky was, however, dimmer, more fluid. It was another space, here, another sky.”

Ben closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of his roses. There was something else in the air, announcing rain. How long had it been since it last rained? It sure hadn’t the entire time he had been secluded in that place. 

“Come, look at me, my love!”

Was it raining that night? Or perhaps his mind was mistaking the sound of the shower with raindrops. He did remember being alone in his chambers. He had spent the entire week raiding neighbourhoods in search for another terrorist hiding behind the facade of a decent average man. They ended up finding nothing, which was both great and terrible news. Those neighbourhoods were safe, but there was still a threat hiding somewhere else. 

“She had now taken his hand and, with her other arm, she was showing him the walls of the room they were passing through.”

He also remembered how he left the bathroom, put on a new pair of pyjamas and was ready to go to sleep. It had been his first day off in a long time and the exhaustion had ironically kept him awake. But after that shower, he was comfortable enough to relax in his gigantic bed and enjoy a nice book. Except something else distracted him. After so much time spent with the Knights of Ren and his experience at the academy, he was now able to hear and recognize every step. And perhaps he was very tired, but he knew that those steps were rather feminine and not belonging to any of the help. He also knew that he had heard them every single day during his short holiday by the sea. Smiling, he opened the doors and stepped outside, ready to embrace her.

“Do you want to come to me?”

Except Kory was not smiling and her panicked gaze was rather suspicious. 

“You’re dead… You  _ know  _ you are dead…”

She had no reasons to keep her arrival a secret, especially given the tight security, unless…

“Ben, you’re not paying any attention.”

Ben blinked confused and looked at Rey putting down the book. Her hair had grown a little bit and was now an adorable messy bob. Well, anything about her was adorable. The smile, those little wrinkles she had when she was concentrating, her eyes each time she was looking at something she liked… what else? Those pouty lips? Those gentle hands? That perfect little butt, especially in the baby blue pants!

“I’m not in the mood for Eliade,” he sighed putting down the pencil he had been playing with. With the reading and writing skills being officially achieved, he had been insisting on teaching Rey about anything else. With little to no other activities available, she accepted his proposal to show her the world through books. Of course, she had discovered romance novels and ever since she had been rather reluctant when it came to reading anything that didn’t involve lords seducing ladies and happy endings.

“Do you want to eat?

“Mmmno,” he said stretching his arms as he stood up. “I want to go on a walk.”

He watched her nod. She had been so tense and reluctant to show him her progress with his plant collection that he was now teasing her about it each time he had the chance.

“Outside,” he continued. “In the village.”

Rey’s eyes grew wider and she parted her lips for a silent exclamation. 

“I can’t,” she shook her head before lifting the fabric to remind him that she was under surveillance. 

“Don’t worry about that.”

He offered her his hands and she took it, a little bit reluctant.

“Go put on some shoes and I’ll go get ready myself.”

Without saying anything else, she followed him inside. Before going upstairs, she noticed Kory’s belongings the same as they had left them days ago. Or was it already weeks? She sometimes forgot all about time. Sometimes, two weeks felt like two days, but there had also been days that felt like years. Nevertheless, that place was home and if anyone was to blame her for her emotional chimaeras, that was Ben. After their kiss from that night, he had been avoiding getting too close to her, while still trying his best to please her. She couldn’t understand why was he trying so hard when it was  _ her  _ duty to make him feel comfortable all the time. Perhaps to distract her from any displays of affection? Was that how he used to behave in his relationship with Kory? Pepper her with attentions, yet give her no actual affection because he… ‘couldn’t love’?

“Are you ready?” she heard his voice, then she looked at her bare feet and immediately ran upstairs. She washed her soles, then put on a pair of socks and a white pair of sneakers, praying that they would survive a trip outside, given their poor quality. However, Hux had scolded her for going outside barefoot and for not wearing at least slippers, but Ben had told her that he liked seeing her enjoy the grass under her feet, as well as hearing her footsteps just like that, without anything to distort the sound.

“Ready?” he asked again once they met at the top of the stairs. He had the same white long-sleeved shirt and black pants, but now he also had a dark grey hooded cloak and a pair of sneakers. 

“Are you ok?” she ignored his question, focusing on his shoes and cloak. 

“Of course,” he smiled, then he looked at his wristwatch and tapped the screen. Rey furrowed at the weird device, then jumped startled once her ankle monitor beep loudly.

“This will allow you to go outside the property.” 

“Aren’t you afraid I might run away?”

Ben chuckled but soon turned serious. He didn’t mention the fact that both her monitor and his watch would emit a loud sound once they were too far away from each other.

She wasn’t free at all.

She merely had a new leash. 

“Look, Rey,” he licked his lips. “Don’t believe that I never see you look at the door or the gates. I am well aware that even that night when we shared umm… the sandwich, you were considering taking Kory’s belongings and leaving.”

There was no point in denying it, but she preferred to remain silent and serious as if defying him. And he had grown to love those rare little moments when she defied him.

“I trust you. Ok?” It wasn’t a lie. “And you trust me.”

She remained silent and pensive, but she eventually took his hand and let him take her out of that cabin and out of that yard. Each step towards the main gate felt like anything but freedom. In fact, she could swear that it felt more as approaching the gallows. And the terror didn’t disappear until she pinched herself to realise that she was finally outside. Well… the ‘outside’ was not that much different than Ben’s yard. Just trees and a dusty road.

“It seems that the mist is blocking our view today, but it’s ok. We’ll get to the village in maybe half an hour.”

“Is it ok for you to walk for so long?”

“I’ll survive,” he proceeded to take his little straunter.

Rey snorted, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Please tell me how you ended up becoming the almost Supreme Leader when you are such a child.”

Ben just giggled but as Rey watched his tall figure and his rebellious strands of hair bouncing, she started thinking more about her own question. 

“Wait,” she quickened her pace almost to a jog. “I mean it. What happened? What made you become this if it only made you miserable?”

Ben stopped for a moment to think. Was there any logic behind his ‘downfall’ or was his life simply a snowball turned into an avalanche?

“Honestly? I didn’t have where to go. I met Supreme Leader Snoke many years ago and he was impressed with my abilities, unlike the headmaster of the academy. After I…  _ left  _ the academy, he offered to keep me under his wing. I finished my studies and then I joined the Knights of Ren.”

“So you agreed to become a soldier just because he appreciated you?” she snorted.

“I know it must sound ridiculous to you, but it’s so much more. I was in a dark place, vulnerable and all alone. The trauma made me more aggressive and unstable and he helped me channel my energy.”

“By killing people?”

“I guess we should get to the next chapters in the history book sooner,” he rolled his eyes. “Look, Rey. You didn’t intend to kill me. You were just scared and you protected yourself. In the case of state security, there is no time to let someone get that close. People don’t have candlesticks to protect themselves from maniacs and terrorists. I understand that these methods are cruel but it’s better to be preventive. The situation used to be worse. All I want is for it to be stable and for everyone to be safe. Keep in mind that you could have died in that explosion, too.” 

Rey narrowed her eyes and grabbed his hand.

“So you believe me after all?”

“Why do you even care if I believe you or not?”

“So you don’t,” she concluded, letting go of his hand. 

“Rey,” he called her name as she started walking faster. “Stop being a child, Rey!”

However, the girl kept walking. If she kept ignoring him and distancing herself from him, she would get in big trouble. Especially considering how his wristwatch was already announcing him that she was too far away.

“Rey, please!” he found himself begging. He was the one in charge but given how permissive he had been in the past weeks, he didn’t want anyone from his team to start questioning his authority or overall strength.

“Fine!” he yelled, feeling both embarrassed and glad that he had no neighbours. “I believe you be-because I’ve been in your shoes. I was at the wrong time in the wrong place too. I was accused too.”

The girl finally stopped and turned around to face him. Her eyebrows showed no sign of anger or pity. But he was beginning to get to know her so he was sure that his adorable stray cat was curious. And curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

“You didn’t just leave that academy of yours, did you?”

He said nothing, focusing on lowering his gaze so that he wouldn’t trip over boulders or fallen tree branches. Once they were only one metre apart, she inhaled deeply. The more rooms she was managing to unlock, the more she realised where further hidden behind the open ones.

***

The village lacked the austerity of the city life. Each street was named after a type of tree and each house had a tall main gate sculpted out of the wood of the tree giving the name to the street. The sculptures were not there for a plain aesthetic reason. They were there to tell the history of the family living there for generations. Even the cemetery they passed by was colourful, full of tombstones coloured in sapphire blue and with a short poem about the deceased scribbled under a painting more similar to a caricature. Because they all had roots and stories to tell.

“Good day, my Prince!” saluted them an old man wearing a straw hat and struggling with a wheelbarrow full of golden apples.

“Good day, Mr Gus!” smiled Ben with a twinkle in his eyes. “How are the grandchildren?”

“The eldest one is getting married at the end of this summer. Maybe you can come to the party.”

“I can’t promise you anything, but I’ll try my best. See you later!”

“Bless you, my Prince!”

Rey waited for the old man to distance himself from them, then turned to Ben and smirked.

“Prince?”

“Yes. People here call me their Prince. I took care of the village and its villagers some years ago.”

“But  _ Prince _ ?”

“It’s… complicated.”

_ Fine! _ She rolled her eyes and continued admiring the gates.

“This place seems taken out of one of a fairytale. How did you discover it?”

“I was born here.”

Rey turned to look at him with huge eyes.

“Yes,” he chuckled. “My parents spent some time here after the war, they got married and then I-”

“Does your family have a house here?” she asked a little bit too excited while tracing circles on the cherry blossom carved on the closest gate.

“No…,” he said rather disappointed. “My parents and I lived in an inn, but it was destroyed by an earthquake. I was then sent to the academy.”

“How old were you?”

“I was around maybe seven. So I spent most of my life at the academy.”

“And why did you  _ leave  _ it?”

Ben snorted just as they reached the tavern.

“Well… I didn’t just leave it,” he reminded her before entering the tavern. And just like the man before, everyone turned, smiled and lifted a pint of beer in his honour.

“The Prince is here!”

“Welcome back!”

A tall heavy man with a hat full of colourful feathers came closer and hugged Ben, patting him on his back.

“We thought you might have forgotten about your folk, my Prince! Now, what happened to your handsome face?” The man furrowed as he analysed Ben’s burns. “And your hands, Prince? Who dared to hurt our boy?”

“I was caught in a fire but I’m almost recovered. Weeds are not killed by the frost or, in my case, by the fire.”

Ben’s enthusiasm, although Rey could not figure out whether it was genuine or not, seemed to have been successful as the man smiled and patted him on the shoulder, before stepping aside, allowing the others to shake hands with their beloved prince. While Ben enjoyed the attention, Rey was nervously pinching the soft flesh of her palm, unsure what to make of the entire scene. Feeling suddenly watched, her eyes met the man’s and her lips parted. Was she supposed to smile or at least present herself or say ‘hello’?

“Oh my!” spoke the man with a heavy accent. “Has our Prince got himself a fine wifey?”

_ Wife? _ Rey smiled, but she quickly hid it once Ben turned to look at her. What was he going to say? That she’s his untrained and uneducated nurse? Or that she’s his maid, slave and prisoner?

“She’s my friend,” he spoke on a gentle tone.

“I’m Rey,” she suddenly said, encouraged by the warm feeling of being named his friend. Maybe he was lying just to keep up the appearances as no one seemed to know about his Kylo Ren persona and his role in politics. But she was starving for any form of affection and she was going to cherish that title for the rest of her life.

“Rey, huh?” shook the man her hand, before kissing the back of her palm as if she were a lady. “So you are our Prince’s king? He’s a fine boy. Maybe you can convince him to settle down here and bring some chubby children in our community.”

“I-it’s not the case,” spoke a flustered Ben as he watched a blushing Rey. “Umm… Mr Zharr, I came here to show Rey around and take her to the golf.”

“Great-great! Go, have fun and meanwhile, I’ll gather the people and we’ll have a party by the fountain.”

Rey looked at the man with huge eyes an excitement, then at Ben’s disapproving face. She blinked, silently begging him to reconsider the offer. 

“I… yes,” he sighed. “Thank you, Mr Zharr. We’d love to.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” jumped Rey, excited, as they approached the stone stairs leading to the golf. “This is so incredible! I’ve never seen such beauty! I could live here for the rest of my life!”

Ben smirked, silently agreeing with her and her plans. Had it not been for the many flaws in the system and the ominous danger lurking to corrupt the Union, even more, he had long ago resigned and isolated himself in that village.

“Whoaa!” squealed the young woman once she removed her shoes and her feet touched the warm sand. “Can we go in the water?”

Ben stopped following each of Rey’s movements and looked at his hands. He could go in the water with his feet, but he knew that he couldn’t help himself and would end up swimming. Maybe his burns were almost healed, but even that almost was not enough. He couldn’t risk any infections and wasting more time inside his bedroom or - worse - in the hospital, while the rotten apples inside the Resistance were planning to bring chaos.

“You can go, but be careful. The still water can still be very deceitful. You can drown.”

“Don’t worry. I know I can’t swim.”

A fact which was making him only more nervous. He sat down on the sand as Rey ran towards the water and sunk her feet while giggling. Kory would have never enjoyed such a trivial thing. Of course, before her death, they had spent a nice vacation in a beach house and had made love on the warm sand, while the ocean waves and seagulls were making music just for them. However, he had paid a very large amount of money to enjoy some privacy in that famous island resort. The place was made to be opulent and an aphrodisiac for couples, unlike that golf, which was simply the nature gifting the villagers a place of their own.

_ Oh no! _ he blushed seeing her get undressed. He couldn’t take his eye off her as the fool could harm herself and drown, but it was not a good idea to watch her naked body. Not without her permission, despite Rey being the one who got undressed regardless of his presence, and most certainly not after their kissed had already reminded his body of how deprived of human touch he was.

“That was amazing!” panted Rey as she was clumsily trying to put her clothes back on. Once fully clothed, she stumbled rather tired and threw herself on the sand, next to Ben.

“Why so serious?” she played with a rebellious dark curl, realising how much she wanted to play with his hair. However, he pulled away with an uncomfortable grimace. That lock of hair was very close to his head wound and she was not really his friend, regardless of what he claimed. She got up and hugged her knees, waiting for him say something… anything.

“Did you bring her here?” she asked, desperate to put an end to that silence, no matter how much she enjoyed the sound of the wind blowing and the seagulls singing.

“No,” he finally spoke, though he voice sounded more like another seagull cry. “I wanted to, but this place is part of my past as Ben Solo. I didn’t want her to know…”

“But you let me know.”

“You’re different,” he sighed. But before Rey could get her hopes high, he continued. “You grew up in different environments. It’s easy for you to enjoy this and appreciate its beauty when you didn’t have anything, to begin with. Kory had almost everything. So it’s not really fair to compare you two. I brought you here because we both needed some time away from the cabin.”

“Well… thank you. It’s been great and I can’t wait to see what they’re going to prepare for you. They really seem to love you.”

“They don’t love me, Rey. Like any other beings, they love comfort and safety. I helped them secure that comfort and safety. It’s just how had I kept you chained up in a dog kennel and gave you only water and some bread to keep you alive, you would have been this nice to me.”

“It doesn’t really sound like something you would do. You have an attitude, but you’re a good man. I feel it and I see it.”

He finally took his gaze away from the water and looked at her with a rather amused grimace. Rey took advantage of this and kissed him. At first, he stood there, refusing to kiss her back, just to see her reaction. But once he saw her wet eyelashes and a drop of water linger on her cheek, he pulled her in his arms. It didn’t matter that her skin was wet and that so were her clothes. In fact, he adored the salty taste on her lips and the cold wet trail on her skin. He let himself fall on his back and pulled her on top of him. Rey threw her leg over his hips rather clumsily, but once she was straddling him, she suddenly felt empowered and confident as if there was no class difference between them. 

“You’re so cute,” he murmured, wiping the salty drop of water off her cheek.

“I don’t want to hurt you. I can ge-”

“No,” he stopped her, holding her still. “I’m fine. You can kiss me if you still want to.”

It was the invitation she had hoped for. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Placebo - Running up that hill (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5GuBa4Bbnw)


	10. Heart made of glass...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of her gilded cage for one day, Rey celebrates the return of Ben Solo and takes things further in their relationship.  
> *slightly explicit in the second half*

Once the music distracted them and the wind was slowly getting chilly on Rey’s skin, they got up and followed the cheerful sounds. The large fountain in the middle of the village was surrounded by tables and chairs. The tables were already covered in flowers and food, though people seemed to be bringing even more. There was even a band rehearsing on an improvised stage, while a group of girls, perhaps younger than her, were decorating the light poles and trees with flags and garlands. It reminded her of the concerts in the park and the masses the church, except this time, it was for her. Well… at least almost, considering the Ben was their prince, whereas she was only his friend or guest in the eyes of the villagers.

They stopped in front of the crowd to be met by a multitude of curious yet welcoming eyes. They cheered and applauded the presence of their prince and invited them to sit at a large table. Rey was too overwhelmed to follow all the voices speaking to Ben, barely managing to utter a ‘thank you’ each time someone was offering her food, sweets, drinks or a gift. She accepted the flower crown and the embroidered shawl but was rather uncomfortable with the idea of taking advantage of their kindness. And despite his stoicism, something was telling her that Ben was not that comfortable either.

“Was it a bad idea to let them organise this?” she whispered to him once every present villager was seated. The shawl was comfortable and it kept her from trembling and the flower crown was superb, but the rest was too much.

“You wanted it,” he spoke on a rather harsh tone as he was tearing a hot loaf of bread. He gave her half and took a bite out of his, before grabbing some onion, cheese and juicy tomatoes. He then looked at her and shrugged. “Take it as the birthday party you never had.”

She nodded, smiling shyly.

“But I don’t deserve any of these treats. They don’t even know me.”

“That’s how these people are. They felt so blessed after I pretty much saved their village that they want to give back and celebrate life. They’re a great community. And don’t worry. I’m also a little bit uncomfortable with all the attention.”

Rey inhaled the scent of the freshly baked bread and took a bite, savouring the mixture of tastes. She had never had a piece of bread with spring onions and olives in it.

“But you’re supposed to be the Supreme Leader,” she spoke with her mouth full before being shushed by a panicked Ben. “I mean… aren’t you going to receive lots of attention from the whole world?”

“You needn’t remind me,” he closed his eyes, rather embarrassed by his own weakness. That was why he used to wear a mask as Kylo Ren. Well… that and the fact that his face was too revealing.

“Look, Rey,” he tried to cheer her up, pushing his glass of wine towards her, “we are finally enjoying a day that doesn’t resume to eating what others chose for us, studying and watching the grass grow. You need to learn to love yourself and enjoy yourself.”

Rey accepted the glass a took a sip, making a funny face. After the second sip, the wine wasn’t that bad anymore, but it was still so different from what she had gotten used to drinking.

“Do you?” she asked eventually. “Love and enjoy yourself?”

“I try to,” chuckled Ben as he poured himself a cup of apple juice with cinnamon. “I usually fail, but I think I’m sometimes making progress. Do you want some?”

Rey smiled at the double meaning of his question and nodded, pushing her empty cup towards him. Life on the streets had taught her to not expect or feel anything. While she had been quite aware of her occasional failures regarding the lack of expectations, she had never realised how frozen she had been. She had been stuck and set on survival that she never allowed herself to live or feel anything.

Ben was right. She needed… wanted some progress and that was her chance. And after a couple of more glasses of wine and some other beverages made by Mr Zharr and his family, Rey danced for the first time in years. The alcohol in her system was making following the steps rather tricky, but she adored jumping and spinning around with girls her age. Maybe Ben was too grumpy to join them or maybe he didn’t trust his legs just yet, but when he was not chatting with the elders of the village, his eyes were following her and only her. 

“Everyone, I’d like a moment,” spoke Mr Zharr from the stage after the band stopped playing. “I’d like to make a toast to our beloved Prince and his guest, Miss Rey. Thank you for your visit. It has filled our hearts with joy and pride. Now, most of you must know the story of how this charming young man came into our lives. It happened thirty-two years ago, soon after the war, when Princess Leia was wounded during an attack. She came here to meet our healers and three years later, she gave birth to young Benjamin. The first living child born in our village in ten years. Unfortunately, our Princess had to sacrifice herself for the sake of our village. She surrendered to the enemy in exchange for provisions and the help we needed to rebuild our community after the earthquake. Since then, we haven’t seen our Princess, but the Prince sure returned many times and helped us when nature and greedy politicians were against us. And I’m proud to say that the boats he had provided us last year have put our village back on its feet. We owe you our prosperity and our survival. May you live a thousand years! For Prince Ben Solo!”

The people chanted his name as Ben smiled slightly embarrassed by the attention. So that was his story. His family didn’t just simply leave the village. They were all forced to by circumstances. His mother was a hero and he honoured her sacrifice by protecting the people she loved. 

Ben Solo.

The Prince.

The Knight.

The Supreme Leader.

“Prince, you have to stay here tonight!”

Rey looked at the lady helping Ben get up.

“Tomorrow our healers can look at your wounds and they’ll-”

“Thank you so much, Mrs Panzu, but I’m afraid I can’t. My friend and I need to return home.”

“No,” whined Rey throwing her hands around him and kissing him. “Please, Ben!” she begged continuing to pepper him with kisses. “Please, let’s stay here some more!”

But instead of a smile or an understanding gaze, Ben’s gaze turned cold and he clenched his jaw and fingers around her wrist. It took her a couple of moments to realise that she had kissed him in front of the entire village and that everyone was now giggling.

“Listen to your… ehem…  _ friend _ , Prince. It’s late and dark. You can come stay at my place or I can get you a room above the tavern.”

Ben hesitated, but the throbbing pain in his head was most likely not going to let him go back home. He would have been lucky to even get out of the village without fainting on his way out.

“Fine. Thank you for your hospitality.”

“May I stay here with the villagers some more? Please?”

He shook his head at the tipsy Rey and ignored her furrow and pout. She had most likely forgotten about the ankle monitor, but he sure hadn’t. Maybe they could return home before any of his men would get to notice his absence, but they would surely notice if the alarm announced them that the girl was far away from both the cabin and him.

“We’ll take care of her,” spoke a group of girls around Rey’s age.

It wasn’t about taking care. She was too tipsy to even consider running away, let alone do it. Besides, it was dark and she didn’t know the area, so she didn’t have where to go in the first place. 

Ben licked his lips and took off his bracelet, putting it in his pocket before taking off his cloak and leaving it next to Rey’s shawl.

“I’ll wait for you at the tavern.”

The excited girl thanked him with another kiss, which earned them cheers of the villagers, then she ran by the fountain with the rest of the girls and started dancing once the band reprised their song. Sighing, Ben followed Mrs Zharr to the tavern and then in the vivid yard between the tavern and her home.

“I’d take you upstairs, but something tells me that you are not in the mood to climb up so many stairs. You’re rather pale, too.”

“My head is killing me,” he spoke slowly, trying not to stutter.

“You had too much wine?” she laughed, but immediately became serious once he saw his eyes closing on his own. “My Prince, what’s wrong, boy?” She touched his forehead, pushing back his hair until she noticed the shaved part and the ugly scar. “Who did this to you? You know what? Nevermind! Let me get you a bed and something for your pain.”

After those last words, Ben couldn’t remember anything else. He did wake up much later with a patch made of herbs resting on his head wound. He got up and grabbed the cup of tea resting on the nightstand, then took a couple of sips as he began to walk in the small room. The headache was gone but he was so exhausted. That party had been a little bit too much, even after those months of boredom.

He looked outside the window, trying to figure out whether it was over. There was no music coming from the beyond the tavern, but there were a giggling Rey and the Zharr’s youngest daughter playing with the lambs.

_ Adorable _ , he smiled just as Rey lifted her head, her eyes meeting his. There was no doubt that she saw him as she smiled and waved at him, while still holding a lamb. Ben shook his head, amused, and went back to the nightstand to put the empty cup there, before dropping it and waking up the entire household. His clothes were also getting rather uncomfortable, so he carefully took off his T-shirt and pants as someone had already taken care of his shoes, then looked around. Mrs Zharr had left him two new linen nightgowns. Judging by their sizes, one was for Rey and one was for him. After all, men in that village preferred wearing nightgowns as well. So despite feeling ridiculous, he put it on, realising that it was more comfortable than expected.

“Hey, Ben!” stumbled Rey in the bedroom, carrying his cloak, her shawl and some of the gifts she had received. She took off her flower crown and approached him. “This was the best day of my life.”

“I’m glad,” he said on a tone which didn’t really match his words. “You have a nightgown there.”

“Why are  _ you  _ wearing one?” she giggled watching him wash his hands in the wooden basin left on the small table by the rocking chair.

“Because it looks great on me.”

Pursing her lips, Rey shrugged and slowly took off her clothes and underwear.

“There’s something on my body,” she mumbled, forcing Ben to turn to look at that beautiful skin of hers.

“It’s just salt,” he said brushing his thumb against her navel. “And some seaweeds.”

“I like it,” she gasped. “Touch me like that some more.”

Ben blinked appalled and tried to remove his hand, but Rey held it on her abdomen and even grabbed his other one, placing it on her waist.

“You have big strong hands. I like it when you hug me and I liked it even more when you put me on top of you at the beach. It made me feel warm and I wanted something but I don’t know what. I do know that it was something about you.”

“Rey, you’re just a-”

“Stray cat?” she giggled again, but this time with a visible sadness in her eyes. “A rat? Trash? Your maid and prisoner? A criminal? What am I, your Supreme Princessness?”

Ben pulled one of his hands and cupped her cheek before pressing his lips against her forehead.

“You are a very beautiful young woman with a lot of potential, but right now you are also very drunk and it’s not appropriate for me to touch you.”

Rey let out a whimper.

“I’m not that drunk. I’m just very happy - the happiest I’ve ever been. And I know I would be even happier if you touched me and let me touch you.”

“I’d love to,” he admitted, blushing, “but-”

“Then let’s do this now when we’re far away from our lives in that cabin.”

“Just touching,” he nodded. “Should we turn off the light?”

“I’ve seen you and I don’t mind you looking at me.”

As Ben nodded one more time, he lifted his arms, allowing Rey to take off his pyjama. 

“You smell like the forest,” she giggled sensing the scent of the herbs hidden behind his beautiful dark locks.

“And you like the sea,” he sought her lips, gently pushing her on the bed. “If you want me to stop-”

“Just touch me,” she begged, taking his hands again and putting them on her ribs. He caressed her skin, absorbed by the velvety sensation, then he let his hands go up and down until he reached her breasts. Rey’s relaxed face and coos made him continue and he climbed on top of her, trying to ignore her thighs and the need to selfishly make her his.

“You’re so big,” she giggled, finally opening her eyes and looking at him, “and gorgeous.”

She really was that drunk if she saw him as gorgeous. Yet Rey lifted her head and kissed him, pulling him closer to her body while her hands were carefully touching his back.

“May I?” she asked, her fingertips already touching his hair. He nodded and let in her palm the half of his face and head that was unharmed. Her fingers massaged his scalp and played with his locks as his mouth abandoned hers for her neck, then collar and then chest. He left a trail of kisses on her sternum until he finally found the courage to cup her small breasts. 

“Tell me if you don’t like this.”

Rey felt his hot breath on her breast and gasped, feeling her legs turn into gelatine. Now that his lips were pressed and sucking, while his tongue was tracing circles around her nipple, his hand was free to cover her mouth before the entire village could hear them. He squeezed her other nipple as she was getting more agitated under him, her lower body unconsciously seeking him. Her writhing continued as he moved to her other breast and it was getting more difficult for them both to resist their urges. Ben pulled back and got on his knees. He grabbed her thighs and looked at her flustered face and hard nipples. He pressed his huge palm on her belly, his thumb slowly caressing the area under her bellybutton. She was delicious, but only nineteen. Although she was technically an adult, she was too inexperienced and innocent under that tipsy facade. And they had promised each other to only resort to touching. Nothing else. 

“Why did you stop?”

“I…” he blushed. “I don’t…”

Rey got up on her elbows and looked at him. His chest was wide and despite his many scars, he was still very handsome and manly and she wanted to touch him, feel him against her skin. And that bulge in his underwear… it was making her blush but she also wanted to see what was hidden there. He had been rather shy back when she was the one washing him and he had often asked her to let him take care of that part on his own. The cheesy books she was reading despite his protests had given her a couple of clues regarding how men and women were supposed to make love.

“May I?” she asked again.

A frozen Ben hesitated but once her palms touched his thighs, he did not stop her from pulling his underwear. Moreover, he lifted his hips, allowing her to take it off. Once naked, Rey sighed and gently touched it with the tip of her finger.

“Does it hurt?”

“Mm… not really. It’s just very uncomfortable.”

“And why does it look like this?”

She knew why, but she wanted to hear him say it. But before he got to say anything, he slipped his hand between her legs, playfully pinching her inner thigh to make her giggle. His fingers reached her warmth and he smiled.

“Do you feel this? You’re wet but in a pleasant way.”

“Yes.”

“You’re wet for me and I am like this for you.”

She licked her lips and smiled, clenching her fingers around him. He closed his eyes and inhaled, but remained conscious enough to start massaging her.

“I guess you’ve never touched yourself before.”

“I did,” she admitted with a sly smirk. “After we kissed in the kitchen. I still couldn’t sleep and I read a little. I imagine myself as the heroine and you as the hero. I felt weird between my legs, just like I did earlier on the beach. I thought that I had peed myself or that I am bleeding again, but no. Once I touched myself, I realised that it felt nice.”

“Did you give yourself an… you know?”

“I don’t think so. I didn’t know how.”

“Do you want me to help you?”

She got on her knees and spread her legs before touching his member again, making him understand that she wanted both of them to enjoy the same pleasure. Ben put his hand over hers, teaching her how to pleasure him as his fingers gently rubbed her clit while pondering if he should go further.

“If you feel like moaning,” he smiled knowing that the advice was partially for him as well, “kiss me.”

“Can I kiss you even if I’m quiet?”

“Anytime.”

She took it as an open invitation, so she kissed him as she gasped. Her hips were moving on her own and Ben’s other hand was making hers move faster. But she couldn’t quite focus on pleasuring him as her body wanted something else.

“Rey, listen to me. I will try to put one finger inside. Ok? If it hurts-”

“I’ll tell you,” she agreed and spread her legs even wider. He traced a circle around her entrance but even despite her lack of experience, her body was not willing to wait. She gasped and hurried to kiss him as his finger made its way inside her, rubbing her insides.

“Oh my…” she gasped.

“How I wish that were truly me,” he chuckled biting her earlobe and fighting the need to either add another finger or go inside her for good now that her hand was stroking his shoulder.

“Promise me,” she panted. “Please, promise me that you’ll be my first. That you’ll teach me everything.”

Ben’s smile vanished. He didn’t want to shatter her dreams or read to much into her words, so he nodded, although he didn’t really have any intention to keep his promise. She would change her mind once she would fall in love anyway.

“Thank you,” she cried biting her lip until her body started trembling uncontrollably. Ben held her in his arms to keep her from falling until her breath returned to normal.

“Are you ok?” he brushed his nose against hers.

“Yeah… That was  _ amazing _ ,” she bit her lip still feeling traces of that pleasure in her womb. Good thing she didn’t have to walk as she wasn’t sure she was able to. “And you?” she looked down at his erection.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I can handle it on my own.”

“Let me,” she begged. How was it like? In that book she read after the kiss in the kitchen, the duchess got on her knees and put her lips on the pirate’s… 

“Rey!” he tried to push her but once her tongue licked the tip of his member, his hands moved from her pushing her shoulder to holding her head. The poor thing had no idea what she was doing, but it was not bad at all. 

“Was it good?” she asked him, wiping her mouth, while Ben was breathing heavily. She waited for his vision and breath to go back to normal.

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

Was he scolding her for swallowing that thing that came out of him or for gifting him the same pleasure he had offered her? And as if sensing her doubts, he pulled her back in his arms and kissed her shoulder.

“It was great. Thank you. Now go to bed. I’ll turn off the light.”

Rey grabbed the nightgown and got dressed, although the linen was a little bit uncomfortable on her sensitive skin, then pulled the duvet and tuck herself in. She watched Ben wash his hands, get dressed as well and turn off the light, then she closed her eyes and waited patiently to feel his weight move the mattress. Was it going to be that awkward after all they had experienced? She turned to her right, trying to see how far away he was.

“Come here, little one,” he pulled her in his arms.

Now she was finally going to get some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Billie Eilish - Lovely (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Pl8CzNzCw)


End file.
